“I get it.” I chuckle, relaxing back into my seat, grateful we aren’t talking about me anymore.
Hannah chatters about her day, her sister’s upcoming wedding and her mother nagging her about dating. I let the words wash over me. My brain is already drifting... to him.
“Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Hannah asks as she pulls into a parking space in front of the coffee shop.
“Sorry.” I wrinkle my nose. “I’m a little out of it today. I didn’t sleep much.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile as we hustle across the cold parking lot, but when we are seated with our coffees, any hope she’s going to let last night go disappears.
“What was your plan?” Her words catch me off guard. “Last night. You said you had to be alone.” She waggles her eyebrows comically at me. “Was ittime?”
I smother a smile. Hannah may not know all the details of what happened with Aaron, but once when she was describing how hard it was to date again, I shared that I hadn’t been able to be intimate with a man since I broke up with Aaron.
“I can alone. That’s not the problem. I’m not afraid of men, or anything like that. It’s just…”
“You can’t relax?” Her voice is understanding.
“Something like that.”
It wasn’t, though. I can have an orgasm just fine on my own. It’s just that every time I go on a date or try to hook up, my body is numb—and that frightens me. That, and when the guy gets a certain look in his eyes, I’m waiting for the switch to flip—for him to go from a guy I want to be with, to a predator.
I’m almost twenty-five years old, and unless I figure out how to fix myself, I’m going to be alone forever.
Me, my vibrator, and maybe a cat.
Actually, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.
“But you left alone, so I’m guessing it didn’t work?” Hannah makes a face, but I know she isn’t judging me.
After opening up about my intimacy issues, she’d been all in favor of me loosening up, trying to relax. We’d gone out to a few clubs together, her willingly buying the drinks to loosen me up, but nothing has worked.
“No. But it’s the closest I’ve gotten.” My heart picks up pace as I picture Liev, and I fidget with my phone.
Hannah frowns as she glances at my phone. “I thought you said you got mugged?”
“I did. I was able to fight him off.” I gesture at my face. “I don’t think he was expecting it.”
Hannah grins. “Secret ninja operative over here.”
“That’s me,” I joke, keeping my voice light and pushing away the memories of the alley. “Tell me more about this setup your mom is trying to force on you. Are you sure you don’t want to tell your family about how Chad treated you?”
“Definitely not.” She waves her hand and I know it’s my cue to drop it. “You won’t believe the one she has this time…”
Hannah continues with her story until it’s time to leave.
I’m a single step onto the sidewalk when a hand bites through my hoodie into my upper arm. The grip locks hard enough to pinch my skin.
Moving the way I’ve trained, despite my body’s soreness, I twist away from the hold, my other arm coming up to strike down on the person’s forearm.
“You evil bitch.” The older woman snarls in my face. Her eyes are too bright, and her chest heaves with angry breaths. Ash-blonde wisps fly around her hectic-colored cheeks.
My jaw drops in surprise. I must have the worst karma in the universe. This weekend sucks.
“What is your problem, lady?” Hannah screeches, exiting the coffee shop behind me and charging forward.
Joelle Taggert’s eyes swing to my friend for a moment before her wild gaze lands back on me. Even though her makeup and hair are immaculate, I can see the dark circles beneath. The grooves along her mouth and eyes are deeper, too. She’s aged terribly over the last couple of years.
Sympathy wars with the bitter anger inside me.
