I’d always felt comfortable in my own home, but ever since my car was broken into, every little thing seemed to set me off. I was doing my best to remind myself that someone broke into my car in a public space, which was different from my apartment. But my brain didn’t seem to like the logic of that. Which meant long nights of not sleeping and leaving every light on.
I’m already horrified thinking about my bill later this month.
There was something else I couldn’t stop thinking about.
Cameo’s offer.
A baby.
The Lombardi Pack's baby.
I could hardly wrap my mind around it.
Maybe I was just hungry. I left my desk and set out to make myself some boxed mac and cheese. Cooking on a normal amount of sleep was hard, so this was going to have to do. I set the water to boil, took out the box, and waited, leaning against the wall in my kitchen.
This was an insane offer, one I probably shouldn't even be considering. Was I supposed to just have their baby and then go on with my life? I wasn't even sure I wanted to have kids, much less one I wasn't planning on keeping.
But if I did this for a year, I could have everything I'd ever wanted. No more spicy streams, and probably a big enough start-up to have a couple of games in production at the same time.
And it's only a year.
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by an over-boiling pot.
"Shit," I ran over to it and turned it down before pouring in the noodles.
I pulled out my phone and started searching up surrogacy and ended up down a rabbit hole. I knew next to nothing about pregnancy, except what you learned about in health class. And public education wasn’t really big on reproductive health.
Oh god, I opened ShortVid, which was a mistake. It was omega after omega talking in depth about every experience they had. Weird liquid you had to drink and pray it didn’t make you throw up to check your sugar, labor that went on for days. And even what happened after.
You had to put an icepackwhere?
But other than the medical stuff, there were lots of videos of happy packs with their new babies. It was so cute it almost made me cry, and I wasn’t normally a cuteness-overwhelm crier.
Bang!
I jumped, my phone slamming to the ground. What was that?
My first instinct was to check it, but I was sure to turn off the stove first, not wanting to also burn my apartment down. I held my phone close to my chest as if it were a shield as I stepped out of my kitchen and into the living area.
No one was there; my space was silent.
I glanced around, trying to see if there was someone in some dark corner ready to jump out at me. But the entire room was lit, and there wasn’t a single dark spot to be seen. And upon further inspection, I realized one of my hanging frames was on the ground face down.
That's what I got for hanging everything up with glue dots, I guess. I picked it up and leaned it against the wall, deciding to put it back up later.
When I got back to the kitchen, I drained the pasta and added the cheese packet, giving the mixture a heavy stir until everything was combined. Once it was in a bowl, I brought it to the living room and turned on a movie. The distraction should calm my nerves a bit.
As I was scooping some undercooked pasta into my mouth, someone outside honked their horn, causing me to throw my spoon and what was left of my bowl.
I examined the mess. Why was I so jumpy? These noises were normal living downtown, but I felt so on edge.
Get it together.
This mac and cheese needed to get cleaned up. I got the bowl into the sink and the blanket I was curled up in bagged up to go to the laundry. Luckily, it was really only on the blanket, so cleanup wasn't too daunting.
I should just go to bed. I would probably feel better after a good night's rest.
After my skincare routine and changing into pajamas, I was feeling refreshed and much more relaxed. I even put on a collagen face mask. When I was done, I snuggled down into mynest and started mindlessly scrolling on my phone, like I always did.
