A black zippered sweatshirt was mostly undone over his chest, the shoulder slipping halfway down his arm to catch at the elbow as he waited, fidgeting with the string near the hood.
"Hi," I said awkwardly, mostly because I had no idea what else I was supposed to say.
How the fuck were you supposed to open a conversation that you were about sixty percent sure would end with you getting dumped?
"I'm tired of you avoiding me," Joon said, so calmly that I wondered if this was my omega at all. He let go of the string to pick at the bedspread. "It's not fair."
Maybe this was the power of a bond.
One little nip, and even the most unruly of omegas were suddenly masters at having uncomfortable conversations without screaming and crying. If that was the case, I'd reallymissed an opportunity to sink my teeth into Eva. She certainly could use some of Joon's newfound mellowness.
Okay, hey,I chastised myself,she is going through a lot.
"Yeah, you're right,” I admitted with a swallow as I drew nearer, offering him my hand. "I just... didn't know what to say."
"Me either. Listen?—"
"I'm sorry," I interrupted as Joon took my hand, squeezing his fingers.
"Indi, you don't?—"
"No, I do. It doesn't matter how upset I was; Inevershould’ve said that. I don't even believe it's true.Of course, Marcus wants you;everyonewants you, Joon. Fuckin’—I mean—Look at you! You're amazing. I never would've asked you to move in if I didn't think so."
Joon's eyes sparkled with tears that I felt like a knife to the chest, and I just kept talking, hardly taking a breath between the running thoughts that I'd tried to ignore from the moment I realized he'd bonded with Marcus.
"I was so angry—so fuckin’—jealous—I didn't think before I spoke. And that's not fuckin’ okay. And leaving to go fuck around with Eva while I was mad at you wasn't okay either. And—Joon, that other alpha was stupid as fuckin' hell if he didn't want you. I’ve never wanted anyone or anything more from the moment I first laid eyes on?—"
"Indigo," Joon whispered, squeezing my hand. "Can you take a breath, please?"
Even now, when he should be cursing my name, he was trying to take care of me. If that wasn’t what an omega who so clearly belonged to me was, I didn’t know what I was supposed to be looking for.
I knew the truth. There was nothing and no one out there like Joon. He was one of a kind. And might be a little thick, but really, what kind of alpha would I be if I wasn’t? But I loved him.
He was mine. But more important than that, I was his.
"No," I said seriously, sinking to my knees on the rug in front of him. Lowering myself felt right, like I was where I needed to be. Kneeling with the low pile of the carpet to scratch my knees as I begged for Joon’s forgiveness. "I haven't been able to breathe right since I hurt you, and I never want to do that again. I know I fucked up. But if you just give me a chance, I want to show you how much you mean to me. What being your alpha means to me, even if you don't want me like that. A bond doesn’t?—"
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Joon asked, a familiar fire lighting in his eyes. Apparently, being bonded didn't put that out after all, what a relief. "Of course I want you like that? Indigo, I didn’t chooseMarcusoveryou. He was in rut, and I bit him by accident. I thought you knew if I was ever going to choose a bond again, it was obviously going to be yours. You're my alpha. And I know it's complicated now that you have to share that role with someone else unexpectedly, but if a bond is what you need to know that you're mine, I'll do that."
"You would?" I asked, swallowing hard as I toyed with the omega's fingers, looking up at him from the floor. "You'd want that kind of commitment with an alpha who purposefully tried to hurt you?"
“We all say things we don't mean when we're angry," Joon said wryly, and didn't the omega know it. He was practically the king of saying shit just because he was annoyed... but still it felt too easy.
I knew what I'd done, and I knew that it was going to leave marks.
And... Joon had broken my trust. As much as I took it too far with what I said, he'd shattered a hundred promises we'd made to each other when he sank his teeth into Marcus.
“I know who I belong to,” he repeated softly.
“I'm not sure I do," I mumbled, giving another squeeze to try and lessen the blow. "Even if I'm a little glad you can't just up and leave the pack, there's still this part of me that's so... angry, Joon. At myself. At you. At Marcus… I thought if you wanted to take things to the next step, we'd talk about it. Make a decision together, like we do with everything else.”
“Alpha, I promise that you were at the top of the list.” Joon reached to stroke his fingers over my cheekbone, and I couldn't help the way I leaned into the touch, my eyes sliding shut with a soft, relieved sigh. "You still are."
"Marcus has always wanted you, I have always wanted you, Cameo?—"
"IsCameo," Joon said with a laugh, making me crack a grin. “Ownership is sort of his thing. But… I don’t care about what Cameo thinks about this. Not until I know we’re okay.”
“I’m so sorry, Joon,” I said, resting my head on the omega’s knee. “Believe me when I say it will not happen again.”
