"Oh, it’s very real," he said bitterly, his stylus abandoned on the cushion beside him to rub at the butterfly tattoo on his forearm. "And ithurts. It's… the most painful thing that can happen to someone. And I can't do it."
Understanding dawned, leaving me blinking. I didn’t really need the confirmation, but my stupid mouth moved to ask the question anyway.
"Can't do it, or can't do it again?"
"Again," he whispered, his eyes on his knees.
I swallowed.
Suddenly, Joon’s hesitance to bond with the pack made a whole lot of sense.
“I’m assuming they don’t know?”
He shook his head. "And I’d appreciate it if you kept my secret. I will, I'm just… not ready yet."
"I’ll take it to the grave," I promised.
He nodded. "I should put Potato back."
"Of course," I said, offering her to him. The conversation had gotten so intense that I had forgotten she was in my hands.
Joon took a deep breath, setting his tablet aside and crawling out of the nest to take the snake.
I watched him disappear into his room with her, wondering if that was the end of our conversation. But it wasn’t long untilJoon came back, shutting the door to the nest and climbing back in with me.
"It's why I have this tattoo, you know,” Joon said as he adjusted some of the blankets.
I knew self-soothing behaviours when I saw them, especially when it came to omegas, so I left him to it, even if I kind of wished that he would come to cuddle while we talked instead. It wouldn’t stop the pain that he went through, but it would make him feel better. Maybe.
"Which one?"
He turned so I could see the butterfly on his arm. "I think it's ugly."
Seeming to be satisfied with his adjustments, he settled beside me, and I examined the design more closely. "I don’t think so," I said, a finger tracking along the black-tipped wing. “It’s pretty.”
Joon swallowed. "He… the alpha bit my arm right there. And when the bond was broken, the scar remained. So I went to the tattoo shop as soon as I could and picked a random flash to put over it."
"I see," I said noncommittally, mostly so that he knew I was listening.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this."
"I'm glad you are," I said, running my hand along his forearm until I could link my fingers with his, gripping them tightly. "I want you to be able to trust me with the hard stuff. And I want to be here for you when you need someone."
It was true, maybe a little bit too much, even.
"That means you can't just disappear after the contract,” Joon said, squeezing my hand. “You’d have to stay with me."
The softness in his eyes made it hard to look at him head-on.
This was the hard part. I was getting attached. Not just to Joon, to all of them. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to leaveat the end of this. In just a matter of days they'd each become important to me in their own way, and Joon was right, I was falling into line easily with the pack. But it wasn't like anyone was begging me to stay.
And what was I supposed to say? I know it’s been like a week, but I think I’m falling for you? That I’m supposed to be a member of your pack?
Surely, if I insisted on staying, they’d call this whole thing off. Especially if I was meant to let go of a whole baby after this.
No, it was better that I kept my feelings to myself, did the job I was supposed to do, and got out.
And yet…
