“Daddy?” she asks again.
We step into the barn, heading for Goldfish’s stall. He comes to the door, sticking his head out, and Naomi lifts her small hand and pats his long face. “Come on, let’s get the tack.”
She follows behind me and grabs his blanket while I haul the saddle.
“Can we get a dog?” she asks, following me back to Goldfish’s stall.
I slide the door open and pull the little stool up to him. Naomi steps up and tosses the blanket over his back, adjusting it the way I taught her before I put his saddle on.
“Since when do you want a dog when there are dogs already around here?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “I want a dog that lives with us.”
I puff out a breath and look at her. “I’m not sure you’re ready for that responsibility yet.”
Naomi frowns and pouts her lips. “Why?” she asks.
“Because it would mean you have to feed the dog, take the dog out when he has to go potty, brush the dog, and clean up after the dog. Are you ready for all of that?” I ask her.
She crosses her arms, thinking about my question. “Well, couldn’t you help me?” she asks.
I chuckle. “Yes, but the dog can’t just be my responsibility.”
The gears turn in her head, and I can tell she’s thinking about it, but she’s not sure what to do with it. “How about this, I will think about it? While you think about taking care of a dog.”
“Is it like taking care of Goldfish?” she asks.
“Yes, kind of, but if the dog is going to live with us, it will be a little different.”
That seems to click, and she nods, hopping off her stool. “Okay, I will think about it while you think about it.”
I smile and tighten everything else on the saddle. “Sounds like a deal.”
“Do you have your water?” I ask her. She holds it up and slips it into the saddlebag with mine.
Naomi takes Goldfish’s reins and leads him out while I find Fletcher.
We discuss the plan for the day and head out. I glance down at Naomi and wonder if it’s time for her to be on her own horse. She holds onto the horn, looking out in front of us.
My heart sinks and my stomach lurches.
Will I lose all of this? Will Rebekah take it away from me?
***
When we get up to the big house for breakfast and a break, I get Naomi situated and go out on the front porch to make the phone call I don’t want to make.
I’d rather call Mae and ask how she is. Dinner wasn’t bad, but I think we both had some realizations yesterday. I hope she’s still willing to try with me. But with Rebekah, I’m nervous I won’t have the bandwidth.
For so long my focus has been Naomi. My goal is to always be upbeat and happy around her. Yes, I’ve had to discipline, but it’s out of love. Always. She doesn’t see me get angry or upset without good reason. And it’s not like I can talk to my daughter about the struggle of being a single father, or really anyone. Yes, my family is there for me, but it’s a struggle they don’t fully understand. Many times I push it away, put a smile on, and keep going because there’s no other choice.
Maybe it’s why I want to be selfish with Mae. But it feels unfair to put my stuff on her, yet I want someone to lean on. I want someone to talk to.
I pull out my phone and text her. Even if she’s here for a year, I think it can be a really good one.
Cooper: I’m thinking about you.
Mae: Good morning to you too
