I roll my eyes in an effort to hide my smile and give him my no-nonsense forensic accounting look.
Cooper holds up his hands and reaches for his lemonade. “I don’t know where to start, and it’s the last thing I want to burden you with.”
My stomach twists. It feels like I’ve been here before. I’m waiting for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.
“What does that mean?” I rasp.
“It means I’m not just a dude looking for a wife. It means I’m a father looking for a wife who has to be able to accept, rather, understand the complicated part of me.”
I almost scoff because it’s somewhat unfair to say that. He’s asking me to be open with him, yet it’s as if he doesn’t trust me enough to carry his burdens.
“How can I understand or at leasttryto understand any of it if you don’t give me anything? I can’t keep doing this if you don’t Cooper. I’ve been in these situations before, and they only hurt people. I … don’t have the bandwidth for that,” I tell him, lifting my chin.
If that is the case here, I will feed him dinner and send him on his way. There will be no repeating of pasts and terrible decisions, and giving people the benefitof the doubt even when I know in my gut they shouldn’t have it. But I don’t have that feeling with him.
“That’s fair,” he sighs and drags a hand down his face.
“But …” I say, drawing out the word. “I leave in less than a year. So maybe this isn’t worth it.”
“Why do you feel like you have to keep reminding me of that?” Cooper asks.
I shrug. “Because I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Cooper looks away for a moment. “Maybe you should.”
“Why? It doesn’t change the reality.”
“I’m starting to understand you more, purely because of that statement,” he says.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask him, crossing my arms.
“It means you’re refusing to consider any change that isn’t how you think it should be.”
My mouth drops open, and I’m not only annoyed, I feel attacked. But nothing about his body language or his tone is aggressive. He’s being sincere. He’s doing exactly what I asked him to.
“Fine, then why does it feel like you’re hiding something from me?” I ask him.
Am I gunning for a fight? You know what? Screw it.
“Because I am.”
If my jaw could fall farther onto the floor, it would.
“Then why are we going to all this trouble?” I bark.
“I’m wondering the same thing,” he says calmly.
Rendered speechless, I’m at a loss and my eyes burn, but I hold it together.
“We’ve known each other for five minutes, Mae. But it’s been a damn good five minutes. That being said, you’re right, I’m not telling you everything, but it’s for a good reason. And, like I told you, I’m very careful around women when Naomi is present. I would hope that you can trust me when I tell you I’m not ready to tell you certain things.”
My chest feels tight, and fighting him feels all kinds of wrong.
“How am I supposed to trust anything you tell methen?” I ask him.
“Because I have given you no other reason not to.”
“I don’t beg, Cooper. I will not beg you to be honest with me.”
