“Great because that’s not what I’m thinking.”
She tilts her head, considering me.
“I’m either a terrible judge of character, or I broke a mirror and have had bad luck the majority of my life, and I don’t remember breaking it.”
“That’s why you were so hesitant to say yes to me,” I say, even though it’s more of a question.
She looks away, and I don’t know how to explain how I feel. It’s not pity, but maybe anger? I wish we could have met sooner. For some reason, part of me wishes I could have stopped all this from happening, and in turn prevented her from being so hesitant to lean into what could be a good thing out of fear of someone leaving her high and dry.
“When I came to Paxton, I decided to take a break from dating. I’m tired of all of it, trying over and over again to find the one. Try to be the best person I can be. And I don’t mean that in the super cliché way. I mean, I did all the things I thought I was supposed to. I take good care of myself. I put myself in places to meet people and get to know them, even when I’d rather be in bed or watchingDirty Dancing.I thought I got close a couple of times, but then it never panned out. As many times as it happened, it’s hard not to consider it’s not them at all, but me.”
“I can promise it’s not you,” I say quickly.
Mae looks at me. “Then I talked to June and … I reconsidered. She encouraged me to try again because Paxton is not Colorado. My friends aren’t here. Everything is different. So I told myself, you know what Mae? June is right, go for it, you never know if you don’t try.”
“Are you glad you made that choice?” I ask her.
Mae smiles into her cup. “I’m not sure yet.”
“Fair enough,” I mumble and take my hat off, setting it to the side.
“Jacob was really nice, and I thought June was right, and for once I would be the focus, and not my pretty friends, and I would be able to consider this guy as a future husband…” She trails off. “You were a witness to all of that.”
“I should have taken him out back,” I mutter more to myself than her.
“It doesn’t matter now, but I want to be clear about something with you because I would want someone to tell me this.”
My stomach sinks, and I wait for the rejection. Now that she’s told me more, I understand it, but it disappoints me.
“When you asked me out, it wasn’tyouthat made me hesitant. It was putting my heart on the lineagain.I can’t keep going through that. I don’t know how much heart I’ll have left.”
Rejection bleeds into hope. She could be open to this.
“But you said yes, anyway?”
“Maybe it was the dancing,” she says.
I chuckle. “I am pretty smooth on my feet.”
Mae smiles and shakes her head.
We’re quiet for a moment and I want to ask her more. But she’s already told me so much, more than I expected. The last thing I want to do is scare her away. She reminds me of a scared calf that got separated from the herd, and I don’t want to spook her.
“You were my first kiss,” she whispers.
I jerk back in surprise.
“Yes, I know you can judge me, whatever. I’m a thirty-one-year-old woman, and I’ve never kissed a man. Trust me, it’s not for lack of trying. You know how I said there were some I thought could go places? Well, there were moments, and I kid you not, we were either interrupted, or he took that as the moment to tell me it wasn’t going to work out.” Mae laughs to herself. “There was oneguy … we were about to kiss, and I thought, this is the moment,finally.Then he stopped me and was like I don’t think this is going to work out, but we can still get something out of this.” She pauses. “I’ve never wanted to punch someone in the face as badly as I did that night.”
“I don’t blame you,” I mutter.
She looks down at her cup and sighs. “The wine really loosened me up this time, didn’t it?”
I scoot closer and take her hand, holding it between both of mine. “I don’t remotely understand why any man would pass on a woman like you.”
Mae snorts and shakes her head.
“I mean it, Mae. But I have a question for you.”
