I grab two bowls and ladle soup into them.
“None at all…” I sigh and hand her the bowl.
Grabbing the butter and crackers, I set them between us and sit next to her at the island.
“Why did you say yes then?”
“Because I couldn’t say no,” I tell her.
“Ah, she’s a people pleaser,” June says.
I shrug and look down at my food. She’s not wrong. “She’s my family. You have to help family.”
June nods and takes a bite. “This is delicious.”
“Thanks.”
“And yes, you have to help family, whatever it takes. But you still didn’t answer my earlier question: what do you need a break from? Your parents?” June asks.
I take a bite, contemplating how I want to answer her.
“I’m thirty-one years old. I thought I would be in a very different place in life by now. I’m not. I do all the things single women are supposed to do, and yet I’m always the one passed up when I’m out with myprettierfriends. At first, I thought it was how I looked, but then that felt silly.
“So I realized maybe the life I’ve always wanted isn’t meant for me. Which is its own pill to swallow, but it’s almost too big to swallow because I’ve always been someone that hopes for the best. But from all the effort I’ve made, dates I’ve been on, rejections I’ve endured, maybe I need to let it all go.
“To put it simply, I’m over it. I’m done trying so hard for people who are using me to get to my friend because that’s who he’s really interested in. I’m beyond trying to put myself out there only to be ignored or friend-zoned. I’m tired of the pep talk I give myself before I go out on a … well a desperate date, with a man I’m not even remotely attracted to — and I’m talking more than looks — even personality, purely because I would want someone else to give me that chance. I give him the benefit of the doubt, but end up disappointed.
“I can feel my internal clock ticking, and to each their own, but I want the house full of kids. I want the husband. I want what my parents have, what my aunt and uncle have. But I’m tired of looking forward to a future I may never have and not living life because I’m trying to make myself more attractive, or work on my issues because let’s face it, in today’s world we all have them. I have a great family. I don’t have a tragic backstory like many. But here I am, living in this big house by myself, running a failing flower shop, trying to figure out how I’m going to start living my life as a spinster, though I think I’d qualify as a thornback at this point, but I—”
June coughs. “I’m sorry, did you just saythornback?” she asks.
I huff. “In the old days, women unmarried past the age of, I think, twenty-seven, it’s debated, were considered spinsters, and then women over the age of thirty were called thornbacks.”
“Hm, well, I guess I’m a thornback then,” she mumbles.
I shrug and down the rest of my wine.
“Whoa, girl,” June says.
I set my glass on the butcher-block countertop and sigh, appetite gone.
“It’s why I decided to give dating a break while I’m here. I originally thought it would be a few weeks. But now it’s a year, not that it makes a difference.”
“That’s a lot,” June says quietly.
I don’t respond. There’s nothing to say. I poured my heart out and I’ve run it through in my head eighty thousand times. Nothing is going to change.
“Is the whole Cooper flirting with you thing messing with your head? Is it because he’s interested in you?”
I shrug. “That could be what’s throwing me off, and I’m not sure what to do with it.”
June hums. “You know, when I was first learning to ride a horse. I fell off and broke my arm. It was my brother Fletcher’s fault. Our parents said not to do it without them there. We did. Anyway, the point is, it should have scared me, but honestly, it made me dig in more. Out here you will fall down, you will get hurt, you will have to do hard things because it’s the right thing. The point is, you have to keep getting up.
“I’m not the one to talk. I should take my own advice, but you never know if you don’t try. And girl, understand me when I say I’m not telling you to do anything with Cooper. That’s your decision. I can vouch for him because he’s actually an amazing man, all of my brothers are, but don’t tell them I told you that because I will deny it because their heads will get bigger than Jupiter. But this is not Colorado. I’m not the friends you have there, and by the way, they sound like they suck. Maybe you should try again, not because you’re desperate but because you’re in Paxton now. Things are different here: the people, all of it. Maybe it’s worth another shot?”
“So you’re telling me I should lift my dating hiatus? I mean, it’s not like anyone has asked me out.”
She takes a couple of bites and reaches for some crackers. “You can make that decision on your own. As I said, I can vouch for Cooper, but Mae, I like you, I want us to continue to be friends, but if you hurt him, all bets are off.”
