“I’m not going to ask what happened. But I also told you what would happen if you hurt my cousin.”
I wipe my face, staring out the windshield.
“But I also understand that … the issues you’ve had in the past might be coming into play.”
I don’t answer.
“Mae, I think you need to think long and hard about your life here. I know we were a favor to your aunt. But your presence in Paxton has impacted certainpeople, whether you meant it to or not. While you think about these things, please don’t come to the ranch. If you see Naomi in town, please don’t speak to her. That little girl has been through enough, and I can’t watch her heart break again.”
June rubs my back, and I drop my hands to look at her. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
She smiles sadly. “Of all people, I understand wanting something so badly, and not letting yourself have it, even if it was meant for you.”
“But I —”
“Girl, you’re not fooling anyone. He loves you more than the air he breathes. He sees you as a woman worthy of helping him raise his daughter. And he’s right for it. You are amazing. But whatever happened tonight made you run. The going will get tough. It always does. So if your first response is to run. Then don’t even bother,” June says.
I stare at her, mouth agape, because there’s too many thoughts inside my head to pick one.
She wipes a tear from her eye and faces forward, dismissing me. Like a slap of sobering reality.
“Thank you for the ride,” I mumble, and get out of the truck, trudging into the house.
Closing the door behind me, I rest my back against it and slide down to the floor, bursting into tears.
I sob into my hands. My throat cracks and my heart bleeds. I think I lost him.What have I done?
I am the problem.
***
My alarm goes off and I reach for my phone, stopping it before rolling over and going back to sleep. Heartbreak is exhausting, especially when it’s by your own hand. I see that now.
I couldn’t see past the robbery of my heart because I gave it to him, and he slipped it in his back pocket to use for later.
I know what it feels like to be left behind, for someone to choose something over me. And I just did that to Cooper. That’s not who I am, well, who IthoughtI was.
I start crying again. Why am I this way? Why have I allowed others to scar me and affect me so deeply? It’s keeping me from someone so amazing I have to pinch myself constantly because I can’t believe it’s real.
And I’ve connected with Naomi. Now I’m hurting her. I swore I never would.
I messed up.Iruined this. Not him,me.
And I’m not sure there’s any going back. This isn’t about pride. It’s about the fact I broke my promise.
I’m not worthy of CooperorNaomi.
He thinks I don’t know what I want because I’ve never told him, too afraid to give him the truth.
It’s him, it’s Naomi, it’s the family I thought we could build together.
Barely functioning, I ignore phone calls. I told my boss I have the flu and can’t get out of bed. The thought of putting flowers together for someone else to get married makes me want to vomit.
I don’t remember the last time I ate, but I don’t have an appetite to even bother.
It’s just as well. It’s what I deserve.
Chapter 41
