“Never give up hope,” he said, shrugging.
“There’s hope and then there’s delusion. I’m trying to be realistic about this.” I inhaled a long, cleansing breath. “If I keep hoping he’ll come back, the only person breaking my heart is me.”
“If he’s not coming back, go to him.”
“You say that like it’s the simplest thing in the world.” I shook my head. “I have responsibilities here.”
“I’ll help with the farm if you want to take off for a bit,” he said, looking at me seriously. “I can keep things afloat for you. Now, I’m not saying move to Los Angeles, but you’re clearly miserable. So fuck it. Go visit him. Or at least call him.”
“I’ve thought about calling but I never know what to say,” I admitted. “If we can’t be together, it just feels like torture.”
“Well, then do something for yourself and go see him.”
“I can’t,” I insisted.
“Why not?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I didn’t have a good answer to his question. Money was tight, but that’s what credit cards were for. And Shane could handle the farm for me. It was the least he could do after yelling at me when he got back into town.
So why did flying to LA feel so impossible? Had it been so long since I did something nice for myself that I had forgotten what it was like? That was a depressing thought. I had been having a lot of those lately.
“Shelby, you need to decide what you want for yourself,” he said. “And if what you want is Carter Allory, only you can make it happen.”
I made up my mind right then and there. It was time to do something for me.
CHAPTER 36
CARTER
Back at my mansion, I dragged my suitcase out of the closet. The thing still smelled like hay and dust. It had barely been back in storage for three days. I hadn’t even had a chance to do all my laundry. Lucky for me, I had a closet full of clothes, and I knew a sweet little feed store that had plenty of clothing suitable for farm living.
Thinking of Jake, I went down to my liquor cabinet and pulled out a twenty-five-year-old bottle of scotch he would appreciate. He had been a good friend to me and I thought it would be a nice gift to say thank you. I also grabbed two bottles of French wine to share with Shelby. If she was as happy to see me as I hoped she would be, we would be celebrating.
But after those three bottles, I stopped myself from grabbing any others. I didn’t want to be dragging a whole minibar with me while traveling. Sensibly, I was flying to Kentucky this time, having learned my lesson about Italian luxury cars and muddy country roads. It gunked up the works.
At the same time, breaking down on the side of the road had brought Shelby into my life, and that was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Now I just needed to go back to Ferris and tell her that.
Then I could take her to bed and not leave for a week. We had three days of lost time to make up for and I intended to show her just how much I had been missing her. I owed her a kiss for every minute we’d been apart. I should have never left her behind in the first place, but maybe being apart and feeling the pain of that separation had clarified my feelings for her.
Shelby wasn’t just a fun little distraction while I was out of town on business. She hadn’t faded from my mind the moment I was back in Los Angeles. I couldn’t shake her, like she had taken up permanent residence in my heart and I couldn’t properly function without her.
I had spent so many years turning my nose up at love, thinking it was something the greeting card companies invented to sell merchandise. But that had been because I had never experienced feelings like I had for Shelby. When love hit, you knew it because it changed a person. It had changed me, at least, and I couldn’t go back to the man I used to be.
I had already quit my job. Depending on how things worked out with Shelby, I would be selling this mansion too. There was nothing left in this city for me. I was ready for something better.
With my mind made up to go back to Shelby, I considered texting her, but my flight was a red-eye, leaving later this evening. Then it was a two-hour drive to Ferris from Louisville, where I was landing. Normally, I would take a private plane but they wouldn’t be able to fly me out until tomorrow, and I didn’t want to wait that long. I was dying to get back to her, and I wanted to take the fastest route. Hell, I would have run to her if it would get me there sooner.
Best case scenario, I could be rolling up at Granny’s Acre Farm bright and early tomorrow morning. I could surprise her then, when she absolutely wouldn’t be expecting me. Then I could help out with her day’s work, which had to get done every day.
She could boss me around a little, which always got my engine revving. I just liked a woman with some fire in her, and Shelby was a phoenix, rising from the ashes of both our parents’ selfish choices. She had more fire than any woman I had ever met before and it drew me to her like a moth to a flame. I was more than halfway across the country from her and I could still feel that invisible pull.
It took real courage for Shelby to get her new farm up and running after her parents pulled the rug out from under her by selling her legacy. The town’s legacy, too, if I was being honest with myself. It took even more steel to stand tall against a town who wrongfully blamed her for their misfortunes.
Shelby was just special like that, and I found her inspiring. So much so that I had just quit my job. She was going to die when I told her I had resigned. I couldn’t wait to see her face, as the tentative smile broke through her serious expression like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. Then she would probably call me a moron and kiss me.
The image made me pack faster. I dragged the suitcase to my walk-in closet. The halls of my house were still empty but I no longer cared because my heart was full. It was telling me I had made the right choice to go back to her, like I was facing in the right direction now and I had slotted into the groove.
No more doubts. No more hesitation. No more obstacles.
