She winked at me. “Happy Easter, Shelby.”
CHAPTER 34
CARTER
The drive back to Los Angeles had done nothing to clear my head. Parts of the country were breathtaking, while other parts were flat stretches of nothingness. Those parts were the worst, with nothing at all to distract me from the terrible feelings churning in my guts.
I couldn’t shake the feeling I’d made a huge mistake by leaving Shelby behind, but no matter how I had turned it over in my head, I also couldn’t find a way to make things work with us. There was no path to happiness for us.
The one realization I had come to on the drive was that, sadly, sometimes love wasn’t enough.
Now I was back in my mansion in the hills. I had bought the place because it was the kind of house a billionaire should own. I didn’t use most of the space. There was one whole wing I never went into. None of the rooms were even furnished on that side of the house.
On the side I did use, I mostly stuck to four rooms. The bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, and my office. I also had a workout room, so five got regular use, if that counted. The mansion felt obscenely extravagant after spending so much timeat Shelby’s. Her simple farmhouse was one floor and much more manageable than my cavernous hallways.
I floated through them like a ghost with no one to haunt. Some cleaners came in twice a week, but I didn’t keep anyone around full-time. Most of my waking hours were spent at the office, so when I was here, I wanted to be completely alone, sealed away from the world.
That was another thing Shelby’s farm had going for it. Out there, a man could take a step back from the madness and breathe free. No one was asking for anything except the chickens and ducks. And they were simple enough to please. It turned out the ducks were sweethearts once I got to know them.
I supposed Shelby would order me around a bit, but doing things for her didn’t feel like a burden. Helping her made me feel good, like I had a purpose.
Tomorrow, I had to go back to the office for the first time since I’d gone to Kentucky. Dreading it, I poured myself some whiskey and kept pacing around my home, peeking in corners I hadn’t visited in over a year at least.
My home was on a sprawling parcel of land. Maybe I should knock most of the house down and get a farm going. Then Shelby could move here and live with me without giving up everything that was important to her. We could bring all the chickens and ducks and run the operation right here.
My neighbors would probably have some opinions on that, though. The HOA had sent me ten emails the one time I put a garden gnome by my front gate. I was pretty sure they would send armed goons after me for opening an egg farm.
I could hire security, but the whole idea was already spiraling beyond control. Starting a mini war in the Hollywood Hills would not convince Shelby to move here, nor would it improve Allory Enterprises’ public image.
Even if there were no obstacles to Shelby coming out to Los Angeles to live with me, I suspected the relationship would still fail. In Kentucky, I had been able to spend whole days with Shelby on her farm, but in LA, I was at the office more than I was home. So even if Shelby literally moved into my home, I would barely see her.
That wouldn’t even be a relationship. And it certainly wouldn’t be fair to her. She deserved better than a few hours here and there, with me distracted by calls and emails and a million corporate fires to put out. I could get her a job at the company to see her more often, but the last thing I wanted to do was turn Shelby into another version of me.
The world had way too many me’s and not nearly enough Shelby’s as it was.
The more thinking I did, the clearer it became that the biggest obstacle standing between Shelby and me wasn’t living in different states. The problem was my life in general. It wasn’t just where I lived; it washowI lived.
I would have to change everything if a relationship could ever work with Shelby, which was the same thing as saying it was impossible. The sooner I came to terms with that, the sooner I could start trying to move on.
I had a lot more drinks so I could fall asleep. It was more like passing out, but who was around to judge me? No one. Now and forever.
I could scream in my giant mansion and no one would hear it. When I woke up, I almost did scream. Being back in Los Angeles felt like a nightmare instead of my real life. The splitting headache throbbing in my skull wasnothelping my mood.
I took a scorching hot shower to sweat as much booze out as I could. My head felt tender, and I tried not to touch it or move it so much. After the shower, I wolfed down some painkillers and a piece of toast.
The car service picked me up once I was dressed. I was in no shape to drive. On the ride to the office, my collar felt too tight around my neck, and my suit jacket felt more like a straitjacket. The building came into view, tall and mostly glass. It was modern, cold, and sterile. I doubted there was a single chicken in that entire building, and as insane of a thought as that was, it made me feel sad.
I thought about texting that to Shelby, and she would send back something teasing me, which was how she showed affection. But contacting her felt cruel. A clean break meant a clean break. I had to resist the urge to keep picking at the wound just because I missed her.
I took the elevator from the parking garage up to the executive level of Allory Enterprises. Everyone there greeted me, but it was formal, with none of the warmth I’d experienced in Ferris. I wasn’t exactly in a chipper mood, either, feeling like I’d slept with my head in a vise. My return greetings weren’t any warmer than theirs.
My three assistants followed me into my office, overlooking the city from on high. They each ran through pressing issues, using some unspoken system, it seemed. One problem after another, they rattled them off at me like machine-gun fire. I addressed what I could and had them put a pin in a few other things before I finally silenced them.
“I need three things,” I said. “Coffee, pastry, and ten minutes to myself.”
They got me what I asked for and closed my office door with them on the outside of it. I collapsed into my desk chair and took a bite of sugary bear claw, washing it down with blessed coffee.
Despite the rocky start to the day, I knew I could get back into the swing of things here. I was just a little rusty. You didn’t jump on a treadmill at full speed. You had to work back up to it.As long as nothing too big rattled my cage today, I would be all right.
