She wasn’t exactly wrong, but it still felt like a shit-ton of tiny knives getting stabbed into my heart. The woman I was falling for wasn’t sure about being with me. Maybe I really was the rebound guy, and I’d stupidly convinced myself of it being more than that.
“V…”
She tugged her hand out of her pocket, her phone in it, buzzing quietly. Was it her alarm? I had no fucking idea, but she scowled at it and swiped the screen, silencing it.
“Problem?”
She sighed, walking over to me, and cupping my face in both hands. Her eyes were so sad, like she was already done with this, with us, and I was just the idiot clinging to something that was never real.
“I just need time, Rocket. I moved here to start afresh, and jumped straight into… into whatever this is that we’re doing. I don’t want to hurt you, or lead you on. I’m still… I don’t know, learning who I am without Ted. Learning how to do everything alone again. Maybe I need that. Maybe I need to learn independence again.”
Well, fuck me. That was pretty fucking clear, so why was I ready to beg her to reconsider? Because I’m a pussy, that’s why.
“Babe, I’m falling in love with you.”
V’s eyes squeezed closed, and a tear slid down her cheek. For the record, when you tell someone you love them, that’s not what you’re looking for. Happy tears maybe, but this didn’t look like those.
“Please. Just give me some time. I don’t want to hurt you, Rocket.” She backed away, digging her keys out of her other pocket, while I watched her leave me. She doesn’t want to hurt me? Too fucking late. Yet again I’d been discarded by a woman who clearly never saw me as her future. And this time hurt a million times more, because what I felt for her was off the charts. I wasn’t falling in love. I wasinlove. Deeply in fucking love. With someone who really didn’t seem to feel the same way, or maybe didn’t want to. We’d gone from trying to create life, to destroying mine.
I cleared my throat against the throb of pain welling there.
“And what if… what if it worked? What if our baby is already growing?”
V rested a hand over her stomach, taking a long slow breath, even though she seemed calm as fuck as she destroyed me.
“If it worked, and that’s a long shot, then we’ll discuss it. I wouldn’t keep you from your child, no matter what happened with us.”
She left the room, and I dropped down on my ass on the bed, my head dropping into my hands. How the fuck did that justhappen? Last night she came here to support me, to look after me. We were so close. The intimacy felt so real and permanent, and now? Now, I was alone again. Probably destined to always be that way.
V
Iwas so happylast night, even with some conflicted thoughts about Rocket. What was more perfect than being in his arms? Nothing. Why did it feel so right? Caroline’s comment was bugging me still. We might complete each other? What if this is just a rebound? What if it feels so perfect right now because I’m coming from a place of misery and heartbreak? What if what we’re feeling right now implodes dramatically, and leaves us both even more broken than we were before?
What if this is all like a false start, because we’re both so desperate for something real, and we’re forcing it into a slot, without conscious thought about whether we’re right for each other, or even compatible?
I was torn up inside, wanting to run back to Rocket, and tell him I was falling for him too, but what if those feelings changed in a week or so, and if we’d just stayed quiet about them, it wouldn’t hurt so much? Probably ridiculous, right? Of course it’ll hurt like hell. I could see myself being with him, like long term, maybe even for life, but what if he was the kind of guy to fall in and out of love easily? He’d said his last relationship went badly, but I didn’t know the details. What if he’d fallen out of love, and it had blown up in his face?
My phone was buzzing in my pocket again, and I ignored it, because it was one of three people, and I had no idea what to say to any of them. For Rocket, I didn’t know how not to hurt him further, while I sorted through my feelings. For Caroline, I was mad at her, which was totally unfair to her, because she didn’t mean to put this pressure on us. She was being sweet. She was being Caroline. Supporting me when I needed it, and maybe when I didn’t.
The third person it could be, the most likely, the most unwanted, was that asshole Ted, who’d tried phoning me five times now today. It was the worst time for him to suddenly start badgering me, because my feelings were all over the place, and he was complicating everything.
A text message pinged, and I groaned, digging the phone out.
Asshole: Please, V. We need to talk. I made a mistake.
Jesus fuck, was he really going to try and talk me around, like he thought I’d suddenly forgive his cheating and betrayal?
Me: Get fucked. I should have blocked you long ago. Today’s that day.
I blocked his number, already feeling a sense of peace washing over me at the decision I should have made long ago. Why didn’t I? Did I really think there was any possible outcome other than it being over?
I morosely dealt with several walk ins, even having to treat one myself; a sweet little kitten who had a cut paw, but none of it busied my mind enough.
When I stepped back into the reception to relieve the practice nurse, who’d covered for a few minutes before leaving, I washorrified to see a familiar figure standing in the waiting room. How the fuck did he find me here?
Ted turned, pushing his floppy dark hair out of his eyes, and smiling at me, like he had a right to even fucking breathe in my presence.
“I said stay away from me.”
