“Micro? The guy I just met?”
I nodded. “Like I say. Different guy. He was so angry, so bitter. We were friends, or so I thought… when he started all that stuff…” I swallowed hard, keeping my eyes on my beer, idly peeling at the edge of the label, “I was going through my own shit, so I wasn’t acting like myself.”
V’s mouth dropped open. “Oh god. They thought it was you.”
Whoa. It was so much easier to explain a whole bunch of shit when the person was so fucking smart they could figure it out. I nodded slowly, turning my eyes back to the label I was peeling at.
“Time and time again I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Time after time, it looked like I didn’t have an alibi for the shit going down.”
V rested a warm hand on my thigh and rubbed gently. Not a sexual thing. She was offering comfort. Something I really didn’t really deserve after what I’d done tonight. I’d just fucked up another person’s life, and for what? Because I’m a pissy bastard. And it wasn’t just his life, was it? It was Sophie too, and Jesus fuck… their new baby.
“My god, I’ve destroyed all three of them!”
“Okay, go back. I’m still trying to understand. If he did all that, why is he here now? I mean, he’s running things!”
I nodded, gulping down half of the beer in the hope it’d fill this fucking hole inside me that told me I was fucking everyone’s lives up, and I needed to stay the hell away from people altogether.
“He’s atoning. That’s what he said tonight. When Reacher and Stitch put him in charge here, when they destroyed the old club here, and took over, it was to see if he’d really changed, I think. To see if what he was putting out there was for real. And Jesus, it really fucking is. He’s… he’s a good person. Whoever he was before, that’s not him now. Fuck!” I stood up, nearly knocking V off the bed.
“If he tells them tomorrow, they’ll vote him out. They’ll throw him out of the club, and it’s his life. His home!”
“SIT!”
I dropped down again, then glared at V.
“I’m not the dog.”
“No, you’re better behaved. Listen, whatever happened tonight-”
“I called him out. I told him how I felt, pointed out how he’s hiding from it all. He’s going to tell the rest of the club everything. Own up to all that shit he did, but it’s like a different person did it. Not him. He’ll lose everything because of me. Right when he’s getting the dream, I’m fucking it all up for him.”
V
The dream. He meantthe baby. The family. Everything I’d wanted, everything I still wanted, only now I was left having to start over. I’d have to find someone, and do all of that stuff again, and that added years to the plan. That meant I’d be older when I had a baby. That meant I’d be an older mum. I could understand how terrible Rocket felt, but it didn’t sound like anything could be done right now. He’d informed the right people. He’d done what he could. I wasn’t sure what else there was.
“Do you want to go and find Harley? I can call Caroline and see if they’re together.”
Rocket sighed, finishing his beer, and staring morosely at the wall.
“Nah. Reacher’s got people on that. I’d only be tying up Harley’s time while they need him helping the Pres. Jesus. I’m useless. Worse than useless, because I can fuck up lives just fine, and leave others to deal with the fallout. Whoa… just like he did back then. Maybe they were right to suspect me then. I’m no better than he was.”
I hated to see him dwelling on this. Hated to see him directing his own hate inward. He was focusing on his mistake, and the damage it was doing. It would eat him up.
I forced a heavy sigh, and slammed my beer back down.
“Is the pity party going to take all night?” I bit my lip while I waited for his reaction, and his eyes were wide as hell as he turned to gape at me.
“Seriously?Oh. I get it. You’re right. I’m not doing anything useful right now. Dwelling doesn’t fix shit. I need to go find Micro myself. I need to stop him.”
I caught his arm as he tried to stand up, and he paused, darting another frown at me.
“I wouldn’t.”
“What? Why?”
He dropped back down and turned to face me, waiting for whatever pearl of wisdom I apparently had, which was zero, by the way.
“I just think… right now he’s hurting, just like you are. If you go find him, you’ll both get into it again, whether you mean to or not. It could make things worse. Didn’t you say Reacher is the right person to fix this?”
