“For what? More judgement? I can judge myself enough for all of us, don’t worry.”
Did I accidentally leave some of Nixie’s stuff behind? Of course I fucking did, but I had her carry case, and that was enough for now. I just needed out of there before I lost my fucking shit. And no way was I leaving my baby behind, because she had feelings too, and didn’t deserve that. See? Everyone and every fucking animal has fucking feelings, but apparently that doesn’t matter to some people.
Did I know I was being a petulant prick, as I rode out of there, and left V without even giving her the courtesy of an apology forbeing a pussy? Yeah, but sometimes the logic thing hits too late to make use of it.
I figured I’d text her once I got back to the clubhouse. For once, I wished I lived offsite, so I didn’t have to face any of those fuckers right now. I kept my helmet on as I rode through the gates, with a nod to the prospects, and then I marched right for my room, because I needed time to cool off, and get my head straight.
“Rocket!”
I ignored my Pres, which was an asshole thing to do, but hey, I could blame it on the helmet I was still wearing, right?
“Rocket! Fuck’s sake!”
He was following me, wasn’t he? He caught up with me as I reached my room, so I let Nixie in there, and lifted my visor as I turned to face him. I wasn’t taking the helmet off, because I wasn’t fucking inviting him into my shit right now.
“What, Pres?”
Micro sighed. “What happened, man?”
Like he didn’t know. Like Harley hadn’t been whining on the fucking phone to him the minute I left.
“I’m sure your VP has briefed you,” I said, turning to reach for my door handle again.
“He’s your fucking VP too.”
My shoulders tensed as I turned again.
“So you’re siding with him? Guess I should have seen that coming, right?”
“Siding? What the fuck are you on about? He was worried, brother, we both are.”
Brother. The word burned somewhere in my chest right now, but it had done many times since my life went to shit back at the old club. I’d stopped feeling it, hadn’t I? Stopped seeing any of them as family anymore. Actually no, not completely. Just with most of them.
“Nothing to worry about. Can’t worry about people who have no feelings, right? What is it they call that? Sociopaths? Yeah, that’s me. I don’t feel.”
“Come on, man. Talk to me. He didn’t mean to make you feel like shit, and he’s kicking himself right now.”
So once again it was all about someone else, and how I made them feel? Was this gaslighting? I couldn’t remember all the fucking terms for this shit, but I was so done with being emotionally fucking blackmailed into putting everyone else before me.
“Can you just give me a bit of fucking time? I’m so pissed right now I could break your smug ass face, and-”
“Jesus, man. If it’ll help, do it. I’ve been punched before, I can take it.” I guess his dumb fuck offer took a little of the wind out of my sails, because I relaxed a touch. For a guy I’d hated after what he did to our old club, I had to admit he’d fucking risen from the ashes himself. He’d ‘died’ a cunt, and come back as a man who actually seemed to give a shit, and this club might still be struggling to come together, but it was getting there. He was doing good now.
“Fuck. Sorry, Pres. I’m… I just need a little quiet time, yeah? I’ll maybe reach out to someone to go for a drink or whatever in a bit. I just… maybe I’m sensitive, I don’t know.”
Micro shrugged at me, not taking the bait I didn’t realise I was dropping right there for him.
“We all have feelings, man, and maybe some of us hide them when we have to, but it doesn’t mean they don’t come back to bite us. You got shit you’re dealing with, you have options. You can deal with it alone, reach out to a brother you’re close with, or you can come to me and Harley. We do have your back, even if you two butt heads almost as often as you and Grease do. I want this place to be a real brotherhood. A family. Something many of us didn’t have before. Sure we’ll argue now and then,beef with each other, wind each other up, but the foundation can be strong. That takes trust, and I know that I need to earn that, maybe more so with you than the others here. We were close once, and we could be again. I’ll prove it to you if you give me a chance.”
Fuck me. He sounded nothing like the guy I’d once known, and yet the familiarity of him was there too. It was confusing as fuck at times, but I’d been rebelling against him because of what he’d done, and maybe it was time to just drop that shit and give him the chance he’s asking for.
“Fair. Look, I know I’ve been a shit, but maybe we both have some trusting to do, not just with each other but more generally. I’ll dig myself out of this mood and check in with you later.”
Micro took the hint, patting my shoulder as he nodded, and backed up.
“Sure thing, brother. My door’s always open.” A small grin appeared then, and I found myself returning it, not that he could see it.
“Well, you know what I mean. Soph’s not here much lately, but… yeah… later…”
