“Hey, Harley?”
He was watching Nixie explore her new bed, and just murmured a ‘hmmm?’ in response.
“Youevergonna tell me what that club project is that you have Caroline on?”
He snorted, turning to lean on my counter and eyeball me. If he thought I was the type to be easily intimidated, he clearly hadn’t met my ex.
“Do I have to answer to you on club matters, Rocket?”
I finished mapping out the line I wanted on the bodywork, and set it aside.
“No, but we’re also a family, so are we the kinda family who keep secrets?”
He scratched at his jaw, glancing behind him like he thought we’d be overheard.
“What’s going on with you and V?”
I groaned, because I knew the fucker was going to go there, and telling him to mind his own business would make a liar out of me. See how people mindfuck me because they think I’m stupid? I’m not stupid, I just have the smarts I need to get by in life.
“Fucker. She’s helping me with Nixie, that’s all. We have a laugh, even while she’s trying to hand me my ass continuously. So, about the club thing?”
“You were kissing her. Does that mean you’re thinking of hitting that?”
“That?And you guys call me inappropriate! She’s your old lady’s cousin, man. She’s not athat.”
Harley groaned, dragging a hand over his jaw as he glared at me.
“You know that’s not what I meant, but my point is valid, Rocket. She’s been through hell. She’s had her heart broken already, so she doesn’t need you fucking her up even more.”
I returned his glare, resting my hands on the counter, so I wouldn’t clench them, or worse, throw one at him.
“She’sbeen through hell? You think she’s the only one? You think only women get their hearts ripped out, man? You think only women get mistreated, or used? Trust me when I say I’m not the type to hurt a woman, because I’ve fucking been on the receiving end, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not even some prick who’s in my face right now, because he thinks I need some kind of reverse pep talk.”
Harley’s mouth dropped open, but I carried on, because it was time I said my piece, wasn’t it?
“You know, when I joined a club, I was looking for family. I was looking for brothers, people who’d have my back, who’d support me, and fucking back me up when I needed it. Now I know there was a ton of shit going on back at the other chapter when I got my heart torn out and set on fire, but no fucker was there for me. Nobody gave a shit that I was being fucking destroyed from the inside out. Hey, I thought, why not move to a new chapter, grow with it, and find a brotherhood I can truly rely on? Instead I’ve got the same fucker who screwed up the last club, and I’ve got Grease, who thinks I’m scared of retribution for telling it like it is, and I’ve gotyou. My VP. The guy I should be able to rely on. Who shared his business with me, and I thought, here it is. This is what I’ve been waiting for. Family. A future. But no. You’re gonna assume I’m the asshole, because I’m friends with someone you care about. Someone you barely know, but still put before me. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Really, it means a lot to me.”
I wanted to walk out after that. I wanted to grab my pup, and walk and stay away from the fucker for the day, but I had a job to do, and despite everything I just said, I wasn’t about to let his old lady down, because I was in a mood.
Instead, I dragged my mask over my face, grabbed the piece I’d been mapping out, and disappeared into my booth. Screw Harley. He could stew on my words, and realise what a prick he’d been. I’d had the reminder he wanted to give me though. The one that made me realise this probably wasn’t home either. No fucking club had my back. No brothers were there to support me, or see that I wasn’t the bad guy. Fuck the lot of them.
V
Iwaited until wewere seated at Caroline’s favourite table, with toasted sandwiches and coffees, and opened my mouth to point out how dangerous things were. For her to be using his bank card, suggesting that they were sharing finances already, at this early stage of their romance. How it’s the easiest way for a man to exert control, because soon it’ll be all his money and she’ll need permission to spend anything.
Before I could speak though, I took in exactly what I was seeing. Her entire demeanour was different than it’d been before she started seeing him. The last time I saw herbeforeshe started dating him, she was edgy, nervous, almost twitchy. Like every person around her was a potential attacker, just waiting to invade her personal space. She barely spoke to people, and she rarely made eye contact. Her eyes were brighter now. Happier. She had a lightness about her, that spoke of being truly at peace and feeling safe in who she was, and who she was with.
My words, if I’d let them out, would have dimmed that light. They would have taken away some of that peace and happiness, and I couldn’t do it to her. I’d never seen her like this. I’d never be the one to break this spell of bliss she was living under, and I had to admit to myself that all I’d seen from Harley was gentle and sweet. It was all him protecting her, making sure she eats, making sure she doesn’t get scared or upset. You could watch that happening and think it’d make her meeker, or more prone to panic, but it was doing the opposite. It was empowering her. It was strengthening her from within. She walked into that coffee shop today like she’d done it a million times. Like a few months ago it wouldn’t have overwhelmed her, and made her cave in onherself until the noise and the pressure crushed her. Her head was high, the smile was there on her face for all to see, and she spoke with confidence.
Maybe what she’d always suffered from was a fear that her destiny was to be small and inconsequential, and lost. Maybe what Harley was really giving her was proof that she mattered, that she could walk into a room and be seen. That she wasn’t weak, or defective. That she was strong, and deserved to take up space. Didn’t we all want to feel that way? Hadn’t Ted been crushing me little by little until I was starting to feel the same way?
The only difference was that I rebelled. I stopped letting him crush what was already there in me, and I forced it to the front. I didn’t let him break me down. It took me a little while to see what he was doing, but when I recognised it for what it was, I took my power back. I’m the last person who’d take another person’s power away.
“You’re quiet. I was half expecting a tirade about abusive men, and me getting in too deep,” Caroline said lightly, again surprising me with her directness and confidence. Normally her truths were blurted out against her will. It seemed all the things were changing. Harley actually was a good influence on her.
“I was going to,” I admitted quietly, “but I can see so much lightness in you now. I’m not going to do anything to take that away. He makes you happy, and I love that. Just promise me, if things change, that you’ll talk to me. At least use me as a sounding board. Any red flags, just explore them, rather than accepting them.”
Caroline sighed, wrapping her hands around her mug, her food already gone, and I hadn’t even started mine yet. Ugh. It was lukewarm now too.
