“You were going to leave meforever!” he screamed, the words breaking apart as his breath came out in hiccupping gasps.
“What?”
He rubbed his eyes, still shaking. “Y-you s-said you were going on a date. You were—you were going to leave me with Mrs. Patterson and n-never come back. Just like M-mommy and D-daddy. They went on a date and n-never came b-back for me!”
Brandon and Stacey had left him with the babysitter. They had probably kissed him goodbye and said they’d be back after a few hours, and then they had died. They had never come back for him. I had told him I was going to do something similar.
How had I not picked up on his anxiety? I dropped to my knees in front of him and yanked him into my arms. He didn’t put his arms around me, as if he was afraid to hug me back.
“You s-said?—”
“I said I was going on a date for a few hours. I was going to have dinner, and I was going to come right back to get you. I promise.”
“Mommy and Daddy said they were c-coming back too,” he said in a small, broken voice.
Validate his pain.
I pulled back and cupped his tear-streaked face. “When I said I was going on a date, you got scared. You thought I’d leave you and you’d be all alone again.”
He nodded, his lower lip trembling.
“I was only going out for a few hours. I wouldneverleave you alone forever.”
His lower lip trembled. “You promise?”
“I promise.” I pulled him into my arms again, and this time he buried his face in my neck and fisted my shirt, sobbing as if in relief. “I don’t need to go anywhere on Saturday. I’m going to stay home with you, buddy.”
I don’t know how long we stayed like that as he cried. People passed us on the sidewalk and cars drove by. I held himthe entire time, letting him cry, tears burning hot behind my own eyes.
When his sobs finally quieted to sniffles, I stood and lifted him with me. He wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck, clinging to me, afraid to let me go.
I waited until the light changed and crossed the street with him in my arms. At the car, I gently unlatched his limbs and placed him in the backseat. Then I climbed behind the steering wheel.
Our food was sitting on the table at McDonald’s, but I didn’t go back for it. I just drove home. During the short ride, Noah was quiet in the backseat. I kept checking on him by looking in the rearview mirror. We were almost to my condo when his small voice broke the silence.
“Uncle Marcus?” His voice was hoarse from all the crying.
“Yeah, buddy?” I glanced at his little face in the mirror.
“I love you.”
Geez, this kid.
His words hit me square in the chest, and my vision blurred. I had to blink rapidly to clear it, but a single tear escaped and slipped down my cheek. I roughly swiped it away with my knuckles.
Reaching back blindly, I found his small foot and gently squeezed it. “I love you too. So much.” My voice came out thick and trembled.
When I pulled into the parking garage below my building, I sat there for a while with the engine turned off and my hands on the steering wheel. Noah had fallen asleep, his face peaceful. The long day and all that crying had drained him.
I climbed out of the car and retrieved the Macy’s bag from the trunk. I stared at it for a moment, thinking about our matching ties and how excited he had been about wearing one to school.
I still didn’t know if I could do this. If I was enough. But that evening, I had made Noah a promise that I wouldn’t leave him, and that was the truth. This arrangement wasn’t temporary. I wasn’t going to leave him. I wasn’t going to let him go.
He was my son, and I was his dad, and our arrangement was permanent. Almost losing him tonight made me realize how much he meant to me. I had beenterrified, and I had never known that type of horror in my life. I never wanted to know it again. More than anything, I never wanted him to know loss again—the kind he experienced when his parents never came back for him.
So I would have to figure this out, including the situation with Zenobia.
I opened the back door and carefully unbuckled Noah. He stirred a little as I lifted him. Automatically, his little arms wrapped around my neck, and his head settled on my shoulder.
