“Neither can you.” I pointed a fry at him. “You practically ran the meeting earlier today.”
“Guess, it’s a force of habit.” He picked up my drink. “You sure? I can respect it if you don’t like people drinking out of your cup.”
I swallowed my fry and wiped my mouth with a napkin. “It’s fine.”
He took a sip. “Need to add some Jack or Hennessey to this. I should’ve gone to a bar instead of here. Called some of my frat and met them there. Hate when I can’t calm my mind.”
“Did something happen since I saw you earlier? You didn’t seem stressed then. Is it your car?” The soothing sounds of the fountain spilling into the pool and the soft lights ripened the easygoing mood and banter between us. We were speaking as if we were old friends instead of neighbors.
“Oh, how I wish it was my car.” Jashaun put the rest of the uneaten sandwich on the napkin and glanced at me. “Since you never wanted to date me anyway, guess you can be the first to know something no one knows, not even my mother. I’ve had some very recent developments. Or at least one major development.”
For some reason, I didn’t like that he’d already resigned that we would never date. He said it with such finality that the flirting and banter I’d grown accustomed to would end, and I…I didn’t like it. Not one bit. “Never say never.”
He raised both brows. “Yeah, it is never. You peeped my game early on. You want the husband, family, and the big house in the suburbs. Thought maybe we could’ve kicked it until you met that permanent brother.”
“You do know it’s not that easy for a woman once she lets a man inside her body over and over for that heart not to follow. Maybe if we met when I was in my twenties, we could’ve kicked it.” I chuckled. “Who am I kidding? You would’ve broken my heart back then, too, because I would’ve been naïve or egotistical enough to believe I could change you.”
Half of Jashaun’s lips curved. “Yeah, women seem to think what I tell them isn’t true.”
“Is it that you never want marriage and family, or is it something you want later in life?” Knowing and hearing that I’d been right about him still stung and was a damn shame.
He wasn’t potential.
Jashaun alreadyhadwhat women search for: good looks, confidence, a thriving career, a nice car and home, a warm, friendly personality, and the ability to fit in most circles.
He shifted to his side to face me. “I like my freedom. Maybe because it was just my mother and me growing up, and I spent a lot of time on my own while she worked. Being alone is my norm. And it’s not that I’m the biggest ho or can’t commit. I like it being just me. Compromise is hard. I like what I like. I could be committed to a woman as long as she was cool with marriage and family being off the table. She keeps her home, and I keep mine. Haven’t met that woman yet. Probably should start dating older women who know how it feels to be a wife and a mother and don’t care anymore, or who only want companionship.” His gaze dropped from mine. “Now, I’m about to be a father. So, what I want probably doesn’t matter anymore.”
The piece of chicken sandwich suddenly tasted like cotton, and I wanted to spit it out. I swallowed more Sunjoy to help the food go down. Jashaun really was about to be off limits to me. If he had a baby on the way, he also had a woman attached who would probably do all she could to keep her hooks in him. Regret flooded me. A date or a night of fun with him wouldn’t have hurt me in the big scheme of things. At least I knew what he and I would be and would not be lied to as I had been by men in the past. Now, it was too late to kiss him or to wake up next to him. He would so be the type to want to have a lazy day in bed, eating breakfast, listening to music, talking, and sexing. Regret flooded me.
“Even if it’s not ideal, a baby is always a gift. You’ll figure everything out,” I finally replied. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” His eyes found mine again. “That’s why I’m sitting out here. Couldn’t think or function in my place. Maybe if I found out I had a baby on the way, I could digest it better, butI met my seven-year-old daughter today in the strangest way. A woman I slept with years ago was my Uber driver who brought me to my car. My daughter was there in the passenger side with the same birthmark and eyes as I have.” Jashaun whistled. “I couldn’t deny that little girl if I wanted to.”
I gulped. “Are you serious? You had no clue that you had a child?”
He wryly smiled. “Not at all. I met this woman at an Alpha conference in Charlotte. She recognized me first and then tried to pretend that she didn’t know me when I didn’t first recognize her. If her daughter…I mean, our daughter wasn’t friendly and talkative, I wouldn’t have paid any attention.”
“She still didn’t want to tell you? Maybe she knew your stance and decided it was best to be a mother on her own.” I’d had one pregnancy scare with a man I didn’t want to be tied to, and I would like to think I would at least let that man know about his baby, whether he wanted to be involved or not.
“To be honest, we didn’t do a lot of talking that weekend. She didn’t know what or how I felt about relationships and children, and I didn’t know she was married at the time.” He picked up my cup and took a gulp. “She didn’t tell me about my baby because she was hoping her husband would never know she cheated.”
“Did he find out?”
“They got into it because hewascheating when my daughter was two, and to get back at him, she blurted out that the baby wasn’t his. He demanded a paternity test, and she told him it was unnecessary because he wasn’t a good father anyway. They divorced soon after, and she moved back to Houston. I didn’t even know that we were from the same city. Istayedfucked up that weekend.”
“Wow.” Appetite officially gone. I placed my partially eaten sandwich next to his on the table.
“Yeah…” He folded his arms. “I keep replaying today in my mind. If you had given me a ride, I don’t think I would’ve ever known. Like, how could a woman do that to a man or to a child? I deserved to know that I have a baby in this world, and Jussica damn sure deserved to know that she has a father who will always claim her.”
“Is that her name?”
His eyes softened, and he smiled, reminding me why I’d been drawn to him in the first place. “Yes. She already has her own mind and will use it. I met her, but not as her father. We’re supposed to have dinner tomorrow and tell her together.” Jashaun reached across the small space, and his index finger traced circles on the inside of my wrist. “My whole world shifted in the blink of an eye. The last time I saw you, I was a single man determined to get you to go out with me. Now, I’m a single father who needs to stay away from you.”
“Are you wishing I gave you that ride?” I asked quietly, though my heart thundered against my chest. Just the soft touch of his finger slicked my panties. Whether Jashaun meant to or not, he’d become a flame on this beautiful spring evening, and like any moth, I didn’t care if I burned. I wanted at least a taste of him.
Jashaun stopped touching my wrist. “That’s a crazy question. No, I don’t wish that I didn’t know that I have a daughter in this world. I can’t do to her what my father did to me.” He said hoarsely, “I can’t make a child feel unwanted and unworthy. Like something is wrong with her… Break that beautiful girl’s spirit. I don’t care if I didn’t know her three hours ago. She’s mine, and I plan to take care of her.”
I grabbed his hand that still hovered over my wrist. “I’m sorry.”
