I quirked a brow. “The same one you think I should give a chance simply because we have a child.”
“Daddy, you still there?” Jussica asked.
I unmuted my cell. “Yeah, I’m here. I’ll stay on the phone, and if your teacher says anything, I’ll handle it. We’re leaving now.”
“What the fuck, Mara?” I yelled the moment she finally answered on my mother’s phone.
Nearing the end of my forty-minute drive, Jussica’s teacher finally noticed Jussica on the phone, and Jussica hung up the cell before I could explain. Then I heard Mara’s voice from my mother’s cell.
Mama grabbed my arm and shook her head. “Mara, this is Jaquel. Listen, excuse my son, we’re trying to understand what’s happening. Jussica said you were going away. It’s okay, if you need a break, we just need to know how long and the best way to reach you. Jussica is upset.”
“I need eight weeks. Going to basic training in Los Angeles. Always wanted to join the Reserves. Going into the Air Force. My ex didn’t allow it, and being a single mother wouldn’t allowit. Now, your son is involved.” She paused and said sarcastically, “You got this, right, Jashaun?”
“The Air Force? All this to make a point? You can’t just up and leave. Besides you’re talking about longer than eight weeks. You don’t just sign up today and be shipped off tomorrow.” I gritted my teeth. “Jussica doesn’t deserve this.”
“She’ll be fine. I’m coming back by the summer. She lived without you for almost eight years and adjusted well to you. She’ll adjust to my absence, too. I’ll call her as often as I can and make it up to her once I return.” Her voice broke. “I’m doing this for me and to give Juss and me a better life.”
“If it’s money, I can help.” The sadness in her voice released some of my anger. “Don’t do this to her.”
“It’s already done. She’s the most resilient child. Tell Jussica I love her and I’ll call her.” She clicked off.
I punched the center of my steering wheel twice.
“Hey…hey…it’s going to be fine. You and I have been through much worse.” Mama quietly reminded me.
My lungs burned from my rapid breathing. “Would you have ever left me even if my father was around?”
“No.” Mama’s prompt and stern answer lifted me while confirming my real fear, that despite my best efforts, my daughter would still feel the abandonment of a parent.
I glanced at my side mirror before merging onto the feeder road. “Mama, I swear to God, if Mara is serious, I’m getting custody. I’m not going to allow her to come in and out of her life.”
“It’s too soon for all that. Let’s focus on picking up Jussica and making sure we protect her as much as we can. For now, I’m going to believe Mara needed time and will be back. Being a parent, especially a single one, isn’t for the weak. Let’s give her a little grace.”
“The fu…” I cut myself off. “Why should I give her grace? When all I’ve done is include her and Jussica in my life when she never planned to tell me about my baby.”
“I don’t agree with how everything went down, but I am a woman. A woman who’s been pregnant and scared to share the news with a man you know deep down won’t be around. Her husband had already left her, and maybe she couldn’t take another rejection from a man she never thought she would see again. All we can do is thank God for placing you in that car whenHedid. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe it was time for you to know, so Mara can take the time to be a better mother. I’m here with you.”
I let out an angry, scared breath as I joined the car line of parents waiting for their pride and joys. When Jussica spotted my car, she broke away from the teacher, and I jumped out of my car to meet her halfway and hold on to her. She held me tight, and tears streamed down her face. “Does this mean that it’s your turn to take care of me, and Mama is going to disappear for seven years, too?”
“No, little one. She’ll be back because she loves you. For now, it’s you and me, okay? Daddy will always be here.” I picked her up, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I waved to the teachers, who looked concerned. I eased her into the backseat and buckled her in.
Mama greeted her with a pleasant smile. “Let’s pick up your favorite In and Out burgers and fries and sit by the pool.”
Jussica sniffed and wiped her tears that still slowly fell. “I’m not hungry. I just want to go to sleep. Mommy likes the pool. I don’t want to go without her.” She looked at my mother. “Can you spend the night, Nana? I don’t want you to go away, too.”
“Of course, baby.” Mama turned back around and covered her mouth to hide the sobs that shook her body.
The entire ride back, though my shoulder ached from the awkward position, I held my quietly crying daughter’s hand. I wouldn’t let her down. I couldn’t.
Just didn’t know how many more wrenches I could take.
EIGHT
soraya
Jashaun restedhis head on my breasts, and I rubbed his head, soothing him. He had shown up at my door in the middle of the night and wordlessly pulled off my satin sleepshirt, stripped nude, and joined me in bed. He didn’t want sex. He needed me. I kept rubbing his coiled hair, listening to his uneven breathing slow and become more regular. He would soon fall asleep without telling me what troubled him so. It’d been more than a month since Mara dropped the bombshell and had only called a couple of times to check on Jussica. Jashaun confided that he watched his daughter bravely pretend that she didn’t miss her mother, that she couldn’t hide in her sleep. He would read with her as many stories as it took for her to fall asleep, and he would remain beside her in a chair with his laptop, quietly catching up on work to be there whenever she woke up with nightmares, which seemed to be decreasing as time wore on.
Jashaun’s mother must be with Jussica, or Jussica was with his mother. We didn’t spend the night together when Jussica was home with him. He’d asked me to be patient as he worked through everything and to understand that he didn’t want to formally introduce me to his daughter yet. Although I agreed with his decision, it didn’t stop me from longing for him orregretting the time we could’ve spent together before Jussica, if I hadn’t been so determined to keep my distance. Time that would’ve solidified us as a unit.
