“Fuck you.” She pushed my chest hard, and I didn’t flinch or move, which only angered her more as she stomped out the door.
Clenching my fists, I glanced around my home. Two of my sofa pillows were on the floor. Jussica’s stuffed bunny and dolls were strewn on the carpet. Without looking, I knew the sink had dishes that needed washing from dinner yesterday and from meals today, even though I always went to bed with a clean kitchen.
After checking on Jussica to make sure she was asleep, I threw on my frat hoodie, which hung on a hook near the door, and went to see Soraya. I leaned my back on the wall next to her door, unsure what to say to Soraya except that I needed to talk to her.
She opened her door wearing a thin, vibrant pink nightie that stopped above her knees. Pretty as ever. Only her hair seemed tousled like she’d just awakened and pulled off her scarf or bonnet. Soraya’s bright smile didn’t match the confusion in her eyes. “Hey…I thought we were getting together in San Antonio?”
“Yeah…Can we talk?” When she hesitated, I raised my hands. “Just talk.”
The lines in her forehead deepened, and she stepped back so I could enter. A flowery fragrance hit my nose as soon as I moved inside. Her floor plan differed slightly from mine, whereas she had a breakfast nook, my furniture divided the living area from the dining. The yellow sofa, large chair, and ottoman beckoned me to plop down and chill. Like me, she kept her apartment tidy. Not that I had a problem with messy women, just felt comforted that Soraya and I had something else in common.
“I like your place,” I said more to strike up conversation than a real compliment, though I did like her home. “The colors are warm and welcoming. Make a man not want to leave.”
She half-smiled and gestured for me to sit. “Want some water or something else to drink? I made baked chicken earlier. I don’t mind warming you up a plate.”
“Beautiful, and she cooks.” I reached for her hand and pulled her down beside me. “Another time.”
“Ocean?”
“Huh?”
“It’s on your back. Line name?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “I can flow like the waves or make your life rough.”
Soraya nodded her approval. “Kind of goes with your name and your personality.” She tucked one pedicured foot underneath her leg and tapped my knee twice. “Changed your mind already?”
“Cut to the chase, huh?” I sank back into her sofa and touched the end of her gown near her thigh.
“Yeah, I like to get to the heart of the matter. No sense in delaying the inevitable.” Her tone lacked warmth. She’d already put her guard back up, placing distance between us without actually saying it.
“Don’t sound so doomsday.”
“That’s how you’re looking right now. On the elevator, you were arrogant and cocky about us being together without asking me.” Soraya gestured at me. “You’re giving me regret and sadness. What’s up?”
“Got into it with Mara because she wanted sex and I rejected her. Told her I wasn’t interested in anything but being co-parents, and to get back at me, she left me with Jussica. Told me it was time for me to see how it feels to really be a single father.”
“For how long?” She picked at imaginary lint on her gown. Her eyes were not quite meeting mine.
“I don’t know. At least a week, maybe longer.”
Her surprised gaze met mine. “You’re supposed to go to San Antonio. She can’t just leave you with her daughter without discussing it.”
“My daughter.” I corrected gently. “A daughter that’s asleep right now, so I can’t leave her for too long. I don’t even know why I’m here except you’re the person I want to confide in. I almost wish I hadn’t kissed you or known what it feels like to be inside you. Then you could be the friend I need rather than the woman I might be about to disappoint.”
She sighed warily, “Jashaun, I’m way too old for games. Why did you give me false hope for something you really don’t want?”
“I still want to be with you. Claiming you might have been an impulsive move, but the intent is real. I’ve never cared if a woman wanted to see other men. But the idea of you with someone other than me didn’t feel right in here.” I pointed to my heart. “I want to try to give you what you want. Just don’t know how fair it is to you when I’m also trying to get to know my daughter and be a father. Maybe it’s too much for you, or maybe it won’t be. I hate feeling this way. I always thought that if I ever stepped to a woman like I’m doing to you, I was sure about the outcome.” Her brow furrowed. “Let me explain a different way. If I ever proposed to a woman and she said she needed more time, the relationship is over for me.”
“Maybe she legit needed more time. If you loved her enough to marry her, you can’t give her more time?”
“At the point I would ask a woman, she would know my heart and my intentions, and that we are on the same page. If she turns me down, she doesn’t really want to marry me. Time won’t change that fact.”
“I would think you would be good with a woman who still wants to be with you but isn’t sure about marriage.” Soraya’s smile teased. “I thought you never wanted to be married or even thought of it?”
“Of course, I’ve thought of it. Just never saw it for me.” I shifted to face her. “Damn sure would walk away from a woman who didn’t want to marry me.”
She shook her head. “The arrogance and hypocrisy of it all. You don’t even believe in marriage, but would give up on a woman who needs more time.”
