Elijah looked at her expectantly. She’d already asked him to stick around. No need to keep quiet now. “It’s something I heard Sabrina say today when she was talking to Jasmine. She said she thinks you’re depressed.”
Elijah blinked several times. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and rubbed a hand over his chin as if he were trying to gather his thoughts. “Why would she think that? I’m not depressed.”
Layla shrugged and threw out her hands helplessly. Elijah always appeared calm and confident, but she wasn’t in his house. What if Sabrina’s fears were true? She hated even bringing this up, but if Elijah had heard Jasmine say something similar then she’d hope he would be honest with her. Plus, she understood that if Sabrina believed her dad was depressed, it could lead to a lifetime of internalized pain. Her mom had suffered from depression, and Layla used to think her mom’s sad times were her fault.
“She says you quit your job and took a job you always complain about to spend more time with her.”
“I did take the job with the City to have more time, but I don’t regret that.”
“She also says that you never seem happy. She’s worried that you’re lonely.”
Elijah looked at the ceiling. “Fuuucck.” Elijah drew out the word in a long, resigned groan. “Not Sabrina, too.” He focused back on Layla. “Why does everyone suddenly think I’m lonely?”
Everybody? Who else said this to him? “Are you? Because, I’ll be honest, you don’t seem very happy. You seem dedicated and committed to doing what’s right. I know you’re principled and like to abide by the rules, but I don’t see you as joyful.”
“I don’t have time to be joyful,” he said as if the word itself meant irresponsible.
“And Sabrina has noticed.”
He sighed and sat heavily onto the arm of her couch. His shoulders slumped and the little bit of light that had been in his eyes when he’d arrived was washed away by worry. “I was just talking to my frat brothers about this.”
“About not being joyful?” That was not something she would have expected to come up at a fraternity meet up.
“No, about...” He let out a heavy breath. “Nothing. Sabrina doesn’t have to worry. I’m not depressed. I’ll talk to her about that.”
His resigned tone made her cringe. “Don’t sound like that when you do talk to her.”
His brows drew together. “How do I sound?”
“Like a boss about to lecture an employee. She’s a kid. She wants to see her dad happy and enjoying his life.”
“Are you saying she needs to see me out partying or dating?”
A vision of Elijah out partying, his muscles flexing as he stepped with his fraternity brothers and sweat pouring down his naked chest filled her mind. She shook her head and focused before the vision took her down a dangerous path. “I mean, I don’t know, maybe it wouldn’t hurt. You don’t have to be so rigid that you don’t get out and enjoy life.”
His back straightened. “You think I’m rigid?”
She could see he was ready to go on the defensive. She held up a hand. “Just don’t try so hard to be there for Sabrina and your job that you lose sight of what’s important.”
“What’s more important than that?”
“What do they tell you on the airplane before every flight? Put your face mask on before assisting others. If you don’t check in and make sure you’re happy then you won’t be able to be happy with anyone else. Kids are way more insightful than we give them credit for.”
It’s why she chose to show Jasmine that her mom worked hard, but had a life outside of work. She wanted her daughter to see her with friends, having hobbies, and exploring interests. Learning to show up for herself without apology had taken her too long. She didn’t want Jasmine to be in her thirties before she realized the same.
“Are you happy?” he asked bluntly. “Do you have joy?” Again, he said joy as if it were some irresponsible habit. The way this conversation was going she understood why.
She nodded and crossed her arms. “Yeah, I do.”
His gaze dipped to where her arms were crossed under her breasts before jumping back to her face. “Is it because you’re dating Aaron?”
She scoffed and cocked her head to the side surprised at the mention of the guy she’d recently dated. “Excuse me? What does he have to do with this?”
Elijah stood quickly. She’d moved close when he sat down, but now that he was on his feet there wasn’t much distance that separated them. He was close enough she could see the stubble of his evening shadow coming in. Which meant her gaze was drawn to his lips. Damn the man had some very kissable lips.
“It’s an honest question. People in relationships swear they’re happier than single folks. Is he the reason you said you’ve found joy.”
His ridiculous words distracted her from his lips. She raised her chin and shook her head. “Aaron has nothing to do with me feeling joyful. In fact, we stopped seeing each other several weeks ago. I’m actually happier now that he’s not in my life.”
