Each one of my siblings expresses how much they love me, making my eyes fill with tears again. I’m so drained, but also feeling lighter than I have in years because I’ve finally gotten all of this off my chest.
“This was a crucial part of your progress, Leo,” Josh states clearly. “While it may not have come under ideal circumstances, it’s still imperative in helping you find peace in the events from your last deployment. We still have work to do, but I’m proud of you for admitting these thoughts to your family.”
I nod. “Not that it helps much with Ella.”
“Let me ask a few questions,” he says. “If she is pregnant, and it’s yours, are you happy?”
“Yes,” I answer immediately. “Fuck, yes.”
“And if she isn’t pregnant?”
I think for a moment. “As long as I know she hasn’t slept with someone else, then yes, I’m fine with that too.”
“What if she’s pregnant, and it’s not yours?” Josh asks.
“I have a lot of questions. If it’s not mine, but it’s from before we slept together the first time, then I don’t really have any right to be upset. But if she’s slept with someone after we were together …” I trail off. “Well, I’m not sure I have a right to be upset with that either. We never discussed our situation. I just assumed we were exclusive, but we never talked about it.”
“Ella has never been the kind of person who would sleep around,” Gianna says. “At least not the Ella I knew, and I don’t feel that’s changed. I truly don’t think she’d do that to you, Leo.”
“It sounds like you want to be with Ella, no matter what,” Josh comments. “Do you think she wants to be with you?”
“I hope so,” I answer hesitantly. “I could tell something was off with her. She’s been different for a few weeks. If she’s known this whole time, why hasn’t she told me? Even if it’s not mine, I’m struggling with feeling like she’s hiding it from me. Does she think I won’t want her anymore?”
“It’s possible,” Josh replies. “We can’t be for sure on why Ella has acted the way she has without speaking to her about it. Are you ready to hear her answer, no matter what it is?”
“I guess I have to be,” I answer honestly, scrubbing a hand over my face. I’m so fucking tired.
“What can we do to help?” Alex asks quietly.
“I don’t know,” I reply. Rubbing my eyes, I try to focus my attention on my family, but I can feel the pain of a migraine coming on. I don’t get as many migraines today as I did a few years ago, but the aura in my vision tells me this one is going to be a doozy.
“Do you need your meds?” Gianna whispers, and I nod. My twin knows when I’m truly in pain, which is why I’ve avoided her quite a bit when my leg has really been bothering me. She probably knows it then too, but allows me to maintain a tiny bit of my male dignity by not calling me out on it.
One by one, my siblings head out, until it’s only me, Gianna, and Josh. Gianna excuses herself to give me time to speak with Josh privately, and the awkward silence that follows is concerning.
Finally, Josh speaks. “I like to think that I’m fairly prepared for almost every scenario that my clients may bring my way. But I have to be honest, Leo. This is a new one.”
“I’m the first guy you’ve worked with who finds out the love of his life might be pregnant by another man? That can’t be right. That shit happens all the time in the Army,” I say bitterly.
“Not in your exact situation, and it certainly hasn’t involved a panic attack where a client confessed to having suicidal thoughts.”Josh’s gaze is unwavering as he patiently waits for my response. In any other situation, I’d be able to out-patience a person, but I already know this man has more patience than me. And considering I’m paying him by the hour, I’d rather not waste my money.
“I guess the panic attack brought back some similar feelings, and my thoughts went right back to that day when Gia called me. I hadn’t even intended to answer the phone, but wanted to hear her voice one more time,” I admit. “In typical Gianna fashion, she knew I was in trouble and immediately called me. I’m sure you think the twin connection is bullshit, though.”
“While there isn’t any actual scientific evidence to back up the psychic connection between twins, I’m smart enough to know that some things can’t be explained. Many twins describe similar experiences. Whatever you want to call it, what you and Gianna have is an exceptional relationship.”
“She’s always been my best friend,” I say hoarsely. “Not many people have truly accepted me as I am.”
“Has Ella accepted you?” Josh inquires.
“I think so. I guess? Now everything is jumbled up in my head, and I don’t know what to think. Maybe I made up our entire connection. Where I thought we were moving forward, but she was fighting our relationship. If she is pregnant, and it is mine, why hasn’t she told me?”
“She may not be pregnant at all,” Josh comments. “I don’t want you to get ahead of yourself here. Everything is hearsay until you speak directly with Ella.”
“I don’t think I’m in a good mental space where I can talk to her. I’ll end up yelling.”
“It’s good that you recognize how you may react. That’s growth.” Josh pauses when Gianna walks back into the living room. “Do you want someone to stay with you tonight?”
“I’m staying whether he likes it or not,” Gianna says pointedly, raising one eyebrow in a defiant gesture that looks so much like our mother it makes me laugh.
