As I’m cleaning up my dinner after watching a rerun ofCriminal Minds, my phone chimes with a text.
Ladybug: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Ladybug: How are you?
Me: Okay. How are you?
Ladybug: Alright. Just got the kids down for the night. I’m hoping Violet only wakes up once.
Me: When do infants usually sleep through the night?
Ladybug: According to all the research I did, it varies. But she’s usually up two or three times during the night. My sister never talked about it, so I don’t know if she’s always been this way.
Me: I can ask my siblings, but I have to assume there’s a spectrum where they’ll say every answer under the sun.
Ladybug: Gia said Carter had waves where he struggled, so hopefully this will go away. I’ve learned to live with five hours of sleep a night.
Me: That’s not healthy.
Ladybug: I’m aware. It is what it is. I don’t have much of a choice. Certainly can’t let her scream, or she’ll wake the entire building up.
Me: That dipshit from upstairs give you any more trouble?
Ladybug: No. He glared at me the other day, though. I think you scared him.
Me: Good.
Ladybug: Anyway, the stove is a Frigidaire, and the model number is FEB556CESH.
Me: Jesus. It’s from 2008.
Ladybug: I knew it was old. It basically snarls at me when I turn it on.
Me: Are there any appliances in there that DON’T make an odd noise?
Ladybug: I plead the fifth, in fear that anything currently working might hear me and decide to break down in solidarity with its comrades.
Me: May the odds be ever in your favor.
Ladybug: LEO! Did you just make a Hunger Games reference?
Me: I have been known to have a sense of humor from time to time.
Ladybug: I didn’t think you paid attention when we saw it in the theater. You were definitely not looking at the screen at all.
Me: Yes, I believe I focused on you the entire time. It’s your fault you wore that cute, pleated skirt with the cherries on it.
Ladybug: I can’t believe you remember the exact skirt.
Me: Hard to forget. I’m pretty sure I dreamed about that skirt for quite a few years after that. And I remember a lot about that movie, because you made me come in my pants right at the end.
Ladybug: (blushing)
Me: You blushed that night too.
Me: When I licked you off my fingers.
