“Oh,” I whisper. “That was Oliver. I was babysitting.”
“I realize that now.” Leo pauses, clearing his throat. “When did your mom die?”
“About a year after we broke up.” I close my eyes in pain. God, I forgot how easily he could see through me. “What does it matter now? That was years ago, Leo.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “It matters because you can barely look at me, and I want to know why. I need to know why you ended us. I felt like it came out of nowhere.”
“And I felt like it was inevitable,” I admit with a whisper. “I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t watch you deploy again. It destroyed me every time. If you’d convinced me to move with you, I’d have been in your home. Alone with your things. Praying you survived. Away from my entire family, with no one, and depending completely on you.”
“Had the nightmares gotten worse?” he asks softly.
My head jerks to look at him. “I figured you’d have forgotten about them.”
He smiles painfully. “I remember everything. I know you were really struggling with finding a balance between fear of the unknown and trusting nothing would happen to me. You’d said you dreamed about one of my brothers having to tell you I’d been killed, but I don’t think I fully understood how you suffered.”
“A lot of good that did, huh,” I say bitterly. “I was still a basket case when I found out you were hurt.”
Leo’s quiet for a few minutes. “I told my parents not to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want you to be upset.”
“We’d been broken up for quite some time, Leo. That doesn’t make any sense.”
He leans back against the couch, placing his forearm behind his head. “I’d never wish ill will on you, Ella. Contrary to how we broke up, I still knew your heart. I knew you’d be upset, and I wanted to keep that pain away from you.”
“Your parents didn’t tell me,” I confess. “I saw it onThe Eagle Has Landed.”
Leo growls. “That stupid fucking website. Did they at least get the facts correct?”
“I don’t know.” I look at him with my eyebrows cocked. “Does anyone actually know what happened to you over there? Full facts, Leo. Not whatever bullshit story you’ve told people, making it out to be less than it was.”
Leo bites his lip as he struggles to hide a smirk. “It appears you may still know a little aboutmyheart as well.”
I know how he’d always chosen to protect his family. Lessening the details to make things seem safer.
When I read that he’d been injured, and that he’d had multiple surgeries at a military hospital in Germany, I knew it was worse than the article suggested. I knew that he was severely hurt, and part of me felt it was all my fault.
LEO
“Iknew it was worse than what the article stated,” Ella says softly. Her hand twitches, only inches from mine, and I fight the urge to grab it tightly. I want this connection with her. Frankly, I need it. I know this conversation is long overdue, but it’s making me feel stressed. Overwhelmed. Angry.
In an attempt to keep things light, I take on a laid-back tone. “Oh, yeah? What did you think happened?”
Ella’s eyes narrow as she maneuvers Violet in her arms to rest on her shoulder, patting her back. “I know what happened, Leo.”
“No, you don’t,” I chuckle.
“Yes, I do. I found out. Probably spent way too much time googling things. I know it was an IED. I know half the guys didn’t make it. I know you were basically in a coma for quite some time before your parents even knew something had happened. Honestly, that didn’t surprise me at all. You were always pretty secretive about what went on in your job.”
“Most of it was top secret, El. It’s not like I purposely hid stuff from you,” I say, irritation evident in my tone. For the most part, Ella was always understanding about my lack of transparency about the Army. OPSEC — Operational Security — was drilled into our heads from the moment we got off the bus at basic training. Don’t give out too much information. Never talk about whereyou’re going, where you’ve been, or where anyone else may be. Protect the Army at all costs.
But there were times where I could hear the edge of hysteria in Ella’s voice. When she knew I was going into a dangerous situation, and there was nothing I could say to give her any peace. And I hated it. I hated worrying about her. Not because it made my life harder, or it took my attention away from the mission. It broke my heart to cause her any pain. That was the only good thing that I could see about our breakup. I hoped no one told her anything, so she didn’t worry. Blissful ignorance.
“Well? What happened, then?” Ella asks.
“Wrong place at the wrong time,” I mumble, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. I don’t want to get into this. I don’t want to go back to that time.
