“Mom and Gianna are the only two who really pressure me about talking. They want me to talk to a therapist.”
“Do you want to talk to a therapist?” Isabella asks pointedly.
“No.”
“Let me rephrase the question. Do you think you need to talk to a therapist?” When I don’t answer, she nods. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, Leo. I have absolutely no idea what you might have experienced. But I think you’re hurting. Yes, I know physically, but also emotionally. I think you’re angry, and sad, about how things went down. Maybe this group is a step in the right direction, where you can find some peace.”
Peace.
Honestly, my concept of peace changed so significantly because of what I experienced in the Middle East. As a child, it’s so easy to live in a blissfully ignorant way. We’re taught early on that the United States of America is the greatest country in the world, and that we have the ability to bring peace to countries subjected to terrorist regimes, dictators, and awful living conditions. Even through my first few deployments, I still kept an optimistic mentality, thinking I was making a difference. It was only the last few missions where I began to see things for what they truly were.
People wanted me dead solely based on where I was born. They’d strap a bomb to themselves — or even worse, their child — and try to take me and my guys out. I lost track of how many services I attended for soldiers who were killed in the line of duty in Afghanistan. Seeing the boots, helmets, and rifles lined up, sometimes into double digits, for so many innocent people whowere only trying to make a difference. It began to break me, and break my spirit.
That final mission, the one that took out half of our squad, was the time when I truly understood that there would never be peace in the Middle East. That thought was the last thing I remember as I faded into unconsciousness.
“Hey, man,” I hear from behind me, and I turn to find my brother-in-law, Travis, smiling at me. He leans in to kiss Isabella’s cheek, then slaps me on the shoulder. “Seb talked you into it too?”
“Honestly, I’m surprised none of you made Gia ask me to come,” I answer dryly. “Guilting me into shit is very much in her wheelhouse.”
“I don’t think it’s fair to say she guilts you into things,” Travis says, defending his wife. It makes me love him even more. When I introduced the two of them, I never thought it would end up with a marriage and child, but I’m not unhappy about it. Most people don’t stand up to me, but Travis does. I love that he’ll fight for her. That’s the kind of love my twin deserves.
“Asking you to attend a meeting where you might grow as a person shouldn’t have to involve guilt, Leo. I fully support her guilting you into attending family events, but this group is for your benefit.” Isabella speaks softly, but her chin is up. And that makes me love Sebastian even more.
“Range Riders!” I hear shouted.
“Hooah!”
“Jesus Christ,” Travis mutters, rubbing his forehead. “I’ll never get used to that.”
I find myself smiling. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard something like that. Makes me feel at home.”
“Good,” Isabella says as she shoves me toward one of the couches. “Go sit down, open your ears, and learn something.”
I watch as all the men take seats around the room, with Sebastian and another man standing by a large whiteboard. A long column on the right side has a variety of numbers and dates,making me wonder what it all means. The left side lists a dozen names.
“The names are all prospects,” Travis whispers, following my line of vision. “The right side is different routes we take for rides.”
“We?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “Since when haveyouridden a motorcycle?”
His ears pinken with embarrassment. “I don’t yet, but one of the guys has a sidecar, and I’ve gone out a couple of times. G doesn’t want me to get my own wheels.”
“Do you want to get a cycle?” I ask.
Travis shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. I like the group mentality, and I think it’s helped me find some friends. I didn’t realize how much anger I had over the Army medically discharging me so many years ago. Being in these meetings has helped me deal with that.”
“You really think you struggled?”
He nods. “I did. In all honesty, I’ve wanted to invite you to one of these for a while, but I was apprehensive you’d shut me down. You definitely got the worst part of the deal, and you lost more guys than I did. I didn’t know how to approach you. Gianna asked Isabella to ask Sebastian about it. That’s why the invite came from him.”
“How many people know about me coming here?” I wonder aloud.
Travis snorts. “Knowing your family, I’m sure they all do. Knowing thistown, I wouldn’t be surprised if it makesThe Eagle Has Landedwebsite before morning.”
I shake my head in mock disgust as Sebastian clears his throat. “Range Riders, I’d like to welcome Josh McKinnon to RMRRMC today. He was medically discharged from the Army after ten years of active duty, and has since gotten his master’s in counseling. He’s here to talk to us about his own experience when transitioning from active duty life back into the civilian world, as well as areas we can expect to find some difficulties.”
I don’t miss how Sebastian’s gaze seems to drop on me as he says the word, “difficulties.” Yeah, I know it hasn’t been easy. Every other damn day I feel like I’m having more issues with my recovery. My body is seemingly falling apart around me, and no one really knows about it.
As Josh begins to speak, I don’t realize I’m not paying attention. Instead, my mind drifts back to that mission, almost six years ago, when everything changed.
