I didn’t answer. Couldn’t.
We stayed like that until I finally managed to choke out a question. “D-do you remember when we were s-sad, Mom would always h-hold us?”
Tsabinu nodded. “Yes,” he whispered with a trembling voice as he pressed me closer. “And now I’ll take that part.”
Shutting my eyes, I inhaled deeply against his shoulder.
Please don’t throw me away.
Pain-eyed, I gazed back at our mother’s gravestone, wiping my face. “Mas…”
“Hm?”
I closed my eyes, letting the last of my tears spill. “Doesn’t it break you that our friendship with Zioh and Zeraiah is ruined?” We were silent for a moment before Tsabinu tightened his arms around me.
“Yes,” he answered.
“But?” I pressed, my eyes opened again, fixed on the gravestone.
After a long, hoarse silence, he finally spoke. “But I let it go.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have the time to keep holding onto it. My time, my energy… they’re limited.” He rubbed his chin against the top of my head. “If Zioh and Zeraiah chose to forget us and walk away, that’s their decision. I understand that’s beyond my control.” His voice lowered. “All I can do is let it pass.”
We sat in silence for a while before he added. “But I know how much they loved us. Back then, we all loved each other.” He kissed the top of my head. “That wasn’t a lie. It was real.”
He drew a heavy breath before he went on. “Maybe when we grew up, things happened we couldn’t understand, and everything changed.” He pulled away and stared straight into my eyes. “But it wasn’t our fault.” He gripped my shoulders.“Especially not yours.”
More tears slipped down, and I choked on my sobs.
His voice was firm. “Sometimes it’s just part of growing up.” A tremor ran through his voice as his grip tightened. “If I have to let go of everything else, I’ll try to accept that.” He shook his head. “But not you or Dad. Never again, Dek.”
He wiped away my tears. “So promise me. If something happens, if you’re hurt, if anyone makes you suffer, you’ll tell me. Alright?”
Throwing my arms around him, I clung to my twin. My heart spoke through the hug I held him, as much as he held me.
We had each other.
« -- * -- »
After that day, life still forced me to wake up and go to work. It had been over a week since, and I hadn’t seen Zioh again. He hadn’t shown up at the office or called me to continue documenting the project draft. Nothing.
At first, I tried to let it slide. But the thought wouldn’t leave me, so I finally contacted Natasha the day before. Afterall, this position was entrusted to me and was my responsibility.
When Natasha had picked up, she’d confirmed that Zioh had taken some time off. He was working on another project draft, apparently juggling other jobs, and she was surprised I hadn’t been informed.
Yes, so was I.
I tried not to dwell on it; he was busy, as always. That was what I forced myself to think, though deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.
Traitor.
Even after everything, no matter how much I tried to fight it, or ignore it… my heart still held space, waiting for an instruction, a piece of work, anything from him.
The memory of his face, red with anger and with tears burned in his eyes, clung to me. Stuck enough to trap me in this endless cycle of hurt.
And to make matters worse, for the past week, Andi had been sticking to me like glue. Always pressing me about what had happened on my so-called date and asking why the young doctor no longer wanted to see me.
