Overwhelmed with joy, I threw my arms around him, hugging him as much as I could. A soft laugh escaped him, and he hugged me back. Pulling away, I held onto his shoulders and looked straight into his beautiful eyes.
“Pinky promise?” I said with excitement, holding out my little finger.
He stroked my cheek before hooking his pinky with mine. “Pinky promise,” he whispered.
I hugged him again, and Zioh returned my embrace with equal intensity. Being with him felt like I was home. It felt as if a thick cotton blanket was wrapping me up.
I pulled back, my cheeks burning, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Zi,” I whispered, my cheeks warming, and I returned to the pile of presents before me, trying to hide the heat flooding my face. Afraid of his expression, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I focused on tearing into more wrapping paper.
Suddenly, one of the presents made me shriek in delight. My squeal filled the room as I held the gift high above my head. “Look! Uncle Bakti got me a new One Direction album!”
Leaping up, I searched for Dad to show him.
“Wait, that’s not fair!” Zeraiah cried, glaring at me. “We only got one gift from Mum and Dad, but Dad gave Tshabina another? She’s got two!” His voice rose in protest before he shook his head in disbelief. “No—she’s got loads!” He jabbed a finger towards the stack of pink-wrapped presents beside me, then bolted towards the garden. “Wait, Mum!!!”
I laughed, running after him towards Dad at the grill. Our eternal sibling rivalry was in full swing, and we left Zioh and Tsabinu behind, who were clearly uninterested in joining our battle.
25
Tshabina
I wiped my tears over and over, but they wouldn’t stop coming. Everything Zioh said and did kept running through my mind, echoing louder with every step I took.
My old wounds hadn’t even healed, and now he drove another blade into them, twisting, pressing.
How was this all my fault?!
What did he mean?
For years, while he abandoned me, I waited. I kept checking my phone, longing for his name to appear, bringing an explanation… or at the very least, an apology. I waited in the dark for my Zioh to come back.
But he was angry, and I never even knew why. He changed, and I never understood how.
I didn’t know what I’d done.
“It’s all your fault.”
“You don’t deserve to cry.”
Finally, a hint of simmering hatred toward him surfaced. But I hated myself more for being so pathetic. How weak, how wretched.
When the taxi had stopped, my mind went to one place: where my mother lay.
When I was little and hurting, I’d run to her arms. Now all I could do was hold her gravestone, trace the earth above her with my trembling hands as my tears fell onto it.
“You know, whenever I missed Mom, I just had to look at you.” A familiar voice reached me, gentle and soft. “You’re so much like her, and it feels enough.” I didn’t need to look up to know who it was.
I couldn‘t bring myself to hide.
So I cried harder.
A hand brushed my back, and Tsabinu sank to the ground beside me. “Don’t leave me like that,” he murmured, pulling me into his arms. “I was worried, Dek.”
His embrace tightened as he drew me against his shoulder. I wept into him, my shoulders shaking. “Because of what happened in the car?” he asked, his tone warm and careful. “Or because you miss Mom?”
Everything, Mas. All of it. And more.
I stayed silent, burying my soaked face deeper into his shoulder. With his chin resting atop my head and his arms wrapped tight, he patted my back with a tenderness that slowly eased the storm inside me. “Your eyes are swollen. How long have you been crying?”
