I stared at him. Was he serious?
He was.Damn. Serious.
And annoyingly, he was right.
But still…
Deep down, something inside me resisted.
Maybe because I wasn’t ready to truly let go. Maybe my heart still couldn’t accept it. Because a part of me still felt him.
Still sensed Zioh.
He was an inconsistent shade of gray, sometimes predominantly white and sometimes predominantly black. But a reason lay beneath it all, as if something bound him to the darkness—and I wanted to hear it.
I wanted him to explain.
But maybe Andi was right. Perhaps it was time.
If he truly hated me. If he genuinely wanted me out of his life… I would give him that even if it killed me.
Andi’s question broke through my thoughts. “So? You will, right?” He grinned. “Relax, I’ll set you up with someone perfect. I have a lot of contacts. Trust me, when it comes to matchmaking, bestie’s blessing is number one.”
Looking at him in silence, I let my shoulders sag and gave him a slight nod.
His smile widened, triumphant. Then he gave me a look, shaking his head. “Honestly, I don’t get it. Why are you so hung up on him? Who cares if you’ve known him since the playground? A red flag’s a red flag, bitch. Run.”
I stayed silent, knowing no matter how I tried to explain, he’d never understand. Because he’d never seen Zioh the way I did, because Zioh had only ever shown that version of himself to me.
Only me.
So, no matter how many words I tried, he’d never get it. He hadn’t lived inside my body for thirteen years, from when I was four until I was seventeen.
He’d never understand.
“Like, come on,” Andi scoffed. “He was just a cool boy who became—”
“Became a hot man?” I interjected.
Andi rolled his eyes. “Fuck yeah. Just a cool boy who became a hot man that you should fucking forget!”
« -- * -- »
So, we walked through a city park in Jakarta.
Andi thought a night walk would do me good. Fresh air, clear my mind.
Except it wasn’t fresh air. It was pollution. Huh…
I trudged along the sidewalk with an ice cream in my hand, listening to his endless chatter blending with the city’s chaos.
But he didn’t know that bringing me here broke our rules because this park held memories, too.
Us.
Me, Zioh, Zeraiah, Tsabinu. We used to come here almost every afternoon to ride bikes and buy thisveryice cream.
I didn’t blame him, though. He couldn’t have known.
