The line cut. Andi had ended the call.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, soaking my clothes. Those words, the one thing I tried so hard to erase.
I knew this would happen. The moment the rumors and scandal latched onto me, I knew my mom would get dragged down to—maybe because I’d always carried her with me.I’m sorry, Mom…
My mom, her name dragged through filth, even in death.
“A Courtesan.”
“Whore.”
“Slut.”
I remembered the first time I heard someone call her those. But it was my mom who taught me to be patient and not to respond to others’ baseless words. For some reason, ever since she died, my hatred for those words had grown, knowing the fact that my mom died still carrying that label, not as the talented traditional dancer she was.
I cried and sobbed. I didn’t even know if anyone else could see how pathetic I looked, because I knew I looked so pitiful. Bad things always happened to me, as if the universe hated me.
As if it hated me so much, it often brought all my fears and the things that hurt me most into reality.
As if I were living in karma.
I wished for heavy rain right now so the loud noise outside could drown out my sobs. But a moment later, a loud melody broke through my crying, masking my sobs. My pathetic wails were instantly drowned out as a song from my old favorite band, “Strong” by One Direction, filled the room and blended with my sobs.
14
Zioh
I had been sitting in my car for several minutes, and a relentless drum beating behind my ribs refused to be silenced. When I first stepped out of the restaurant and slid into the backseat, Natasha claimed her phone was missing or had fallen somewhere. I had no choice but to wait with the chauffeur while she searched.
Natasha was furious with me, and rightly so; I had been an arsehole to her. When we arrived at the restaurant earlier, I had already told her to leave again before she had even stepped out of the car. My excuse was that she needed to buy something specific at the mall nearby. Something so absurd that I didn’t even know what it meant myself.
And when she sent me photos showing she’d found them and was on her way back, I told her they weren’t right and sent her back out to search again.
Of course, I didn’t need any of it. I also didn’t understand why something inside me was pushing so hard for her to go.
Ever since I saw Tshabina at the office earlier today, watching her freeze, I couldn’t stay still. My jaw tightened, and my pulse hammered with heat. She had clearly frozen, panicked, and was uncomfortable.
Half of it was because of me. But what infuriated me most was that it wasn’t entirely because of me. She had clearly shown her unease with Aditya.
I snarled under my breath.
All this time, I had been forcing myself to tamp down the surge of resentment and calm myself. But what I found instead was my fists clenched tight, and I kept shaking my head.
I couldn’t even explain everything to her. I had been too disoriented, too stunned that morning and… and…
Hold it in. Breathe.
She was right. Her words earlier were true. We should keep our distance. Whatever scraps of us were left had long turned to dust. It all ended ten years ago. I was not the man I was back then; I wasn’t even close, and everything had changed.
How was I meant to explain my insistence on keeping away from her?
I didn’t even know if I could see her again. Because whenever I was near her, it felt as if a stranger inhabited my own body, acting before my mind could even process them.
You really were.
I closed my eyes, and the memory struck. Tension ran through my entire body. A thick, pounding pulse rang in my ears as her eyes trembled when she looked at me, building walls of caution against me. Those warm hazel eyes flickered with pain, and with it, my own flesh seared tenfold.
It made me want to tear my own skin open.
