The moment that name appeared on the screen, my throat felt thick. The fragrance of flowers rushed back, thick and cloying. Then came the ghost of the wind, sweeping through my hair and over my skin, leaving nothing but a lingering chill.
“Only for me?” “Only for you.”
My stitches were slowly coming undone, thread by thread.
I stared at the headline for several seconds, unable to pull my gaze away, as if the words and image on the screen had a magnetic pull my eyes couldn’t escape.
“Look, Bib! Zioh is so damn successful!” Andi rambled with an excited tone beside me, and I didn’t know whether that was why my heart hammered against my ribs or if there was something more. What I did know was that I kept swallowing as a searing heat continued to spread through my body, concentrating behind my eyes.
“He’s been famous since moving to his mom’s country. And guess what!” Andi waved the iPad back and forth in front of my face. “Yesterday I bought the latest British Vogue. I wanted to see Tom Holland, but instead Zeraiah was in it!” He let out an exaggerated click of his tongue. “Both of those siblings are seriously killing it in the UK. I mean, they were always top of the class, and rich too, like a legitchaebolfamily, but everything really took off after their mom—”
Before Andi could finish, I stepped out of the lift as we reached our floor. “Enough, Ndi. Stop talking and help me set up for the meeting.” I walked ahead, leaving him behind as he tried to catch up.
Actually, Andi knew.
Both my brother and I always avoided the subject whenever people mentioned those two. Since Zioh and Zeraiah suddenly moved to the UK, we had never spoken about them again. Over time, without any written rule, their names became He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Every time their names came up, we’d dodge the conversation. Whenever someone asked, we’d answer, “We don’t know.”
Because we really didn’t.
“Alright, you four, eyes on the camera! On three, say jeez!” “Mum! It’s cheese! Not jeez!” We laughed as Zeraiah grumbled. “One, two, three.” Zioh gripped my shoulder and wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Cheese!!”Memory after memory flickered into view, cold as the touch of dew in themorning after a storm. For more than a decade, Zioh, Zeraiah, my brother, and I had lived as though we were four souls sharing one body, and the word “close” almost felt… cruel to describe us in the past. But in the present, which was where I lived, it felt like thorns wrapped around my feet, stabbing me every time I tried to move forward.
« -- * -- »
The meeting went on as it always did: account names, content samples, and images. I nodded, offered my input, pretending my mind hadn’t been hit by a single name. Yet beneath the table, my fingers trembled.
Andi and I worked in the Media Communication division of a state-owned energy-sector enterprise. Our task was to publicize information and document everything the company did.
Aditya rose to his feet and gave a nod, signaling the meeting had ended.
At this moment, I only wanted to run down to the station in front of the office to grab a snack before the lifts got crowded. I was about to call Andi when—
“Tshabina, you’re coming with me.” Aditya suddenly declared, “Mr. Hendrik wants to meet with the medcom team to discuss the rough material for next week’s press conference. While I talk, you write down the key points,” he added, then walked out of the meeting room.
“Uh… y-yes, sir!” Fumbling with my bag and stuffing everything inside, I didn’t even look him in the eye.
Andi smirked beside me. “Whoa, look at you. You’re the one invited to meet the Minister of SOEs? I mean…” He tilted his chin toward our coworkers, who were deep in a loud conversation. “There’s Mbak Nisa. Mas Anto. They’re more senior…” He leaned closer, whispering. “Maybe. Just maybe it’s because—”
I cut him off before he could finish. “Do I look okay? Do I smell?” I shifted closer to him. “Come here, sniff my armpits. I’m not gross, right?” Glancing at my reflection in a small mirror I placed on the table, I muttered under my breath.
Andi narrowed his eyes. “Seriously bitch, we can be bitches, but not in that way. What the hell are you doing?”
“First impressions matter, Ndi. Especially he is aminister.”
He shut the mirror in front of me. “Hey! He’s married and old—”
“IN A GOOD WAY,” I silenced him, and I started to get tired of doing it. “And for the record, the last thing I want in this life is to steal someone else’s man. That isnothappening.”
Even guessing where his thoughts were headed made my stomach lurch, and the hot chocolate I had this morning threatened to rise back up.“So, before I smash your head with this mirror, shut up, especially at the office,” I glanced left and right. “If your mouth gets me dragged into some stupid scandal, I’m throwing you out that window.” I pointed at the window in front of us. “We’re on the twentieth floor, you’ll get instant amnesia.”
Andi’s mouth dropped. “Amnesia? I’d fucking die, you psycho!”
Without bothering to reply, I hurried out to chase after Aditya.
“Hey Bib!” Andi shouted after me. “Want me to hold something for you?!”
“Odeng! Tteokbokki! Spicy soup, and one tuna onigiri!”
« -- * -- »
