He halted in the doorway, staring at me on the bed with horror. His gaze darted around, taking in my room, his browsfurrowing deeper. “And what the hell happened in here? Are you having World War III in this place?” His tone was half-nervous, half-disgusted. He rubbed his arms while glancing around.
The bright-colored space was now drowned in gloom. The edge of my sheet slipped out, one of the pillows lying on the floor. The big window remained shut, shutting out the daylight. And the one living creature inside—me—was covered in traces of tears, sprawled on the bed like a corpse.
Andi stepped closer and sat at the edge of the bed. He set his iPad aside and reached out, gently stroking my leg. “Hey… what’s going on?” he asked.
I turned my tearful eyes to him, which was my answer. My chest heaved as sobs broke free again, harder than before, and I poured out all the grief I had been holding back. I rose from the bed and threw myself into his arms.
Andi hugged me, his hand rubbing my back in soothing strokes, giving warmth and comfort. He let out a frustrated breath, as if he was hurting as much as I was.
“Shh,” he whispered, calming me. “If you want to talk, talk. I’m listening.” His voice was tender, like a lullaby. “Even if it takes all night. I’m not going anywhere, Bib.” His words were gentle, reassuring, but the pain inside me refused to vanish. “But if you want to keep it to yourself, that’s fine too,” he added, his hand still stroking my shoulder. “I can just hold you. As long as you want. I’m here, Biba.”
Maybe it was my trust in Andi. Perhaps it was the unbearable weight of it all crushing me. Because somehow, I found the courage or the desperation to say it. My words froze him as if I’d just stopped his heart. “I slept with Zioh,” I blurted out. No preamble. No cushioning. Just the truth.
In the next second, his body stiffened. The hand stroking my shoulder stopped mid-motion. I was still sobbing, eyes shut, my heart racing for his reaction. His voice when it came was shaky. “Bib—”
“Two nights ago,” I cut in, as if confessing to a crime. “At the Claid Hotel. That night when I rushed off and left you, that was why. I went to meet him. He was drunk—”
He put distance between us. “What did you just say?” Andi’s voice was a low growl, disbelief dripping from every word.
He sat still, stunned.
A needle-like chill crawled up the back of my neck. I swallowed hard, shaking my head in desperation. “Ndi, please, don’t tell Dad or Mas Bibu—”
“Are you worried about that now?!” His voice snapped, furious. His brows knotted in anger, his breathing sharp and fast. Then came the blow: “Are you fucking stupid, Tshabina? He assaulted you!”
I shook my head, fast. “No, we both wanted it!” I gripped the pillow next to me. “We… We did it consensually.” My voice stumbled, unsteady. “We knew what we were doing.” That night, I felt it; I saw it in his eyes. No matter how much of a bastard he became the next morning, that night, we had wanted each other.
Andi’s face was twisted with rage. “You said he was drunk, didn’t you? Which means—”
“Which means it was my fault!” I cut him off; my chest hurt with every breath, words breaking with sobs. “He was the only one drunk. I wasn’t, Ndi…”
Andi pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration radiating from every movement. “Oh, give me a break.” His glare cut through me. “Are you seriously still defending him?” He dragged in a breath, exhaled hard. “I don’t know what to do with you, Biba. I knew you were always pathetically hung up on him, but this?!”
His voice cracked with fury. “Hey! You’re a smart girl. You’re beautiful, you’re fucking gorgeous, you’re fucking worth it, Tshabina! And you—this Tshabina let herself be used by that bastard, Zioh fucking Danudara?!”
Staggering, I clutched my chest, my head spinning. Desperation pushed me to make him understand. “I—I… He’s not okay!” I stammered, remembering how tormented he had looked that night. “And it just happened…”
“So?” Andi’s eyes widened in disbelief. “And what does that have to do with you?” His tone was harsh, like he couldn’t believe how far I’d fallen. “Wake up, Tshabina! He left you. He fucking abandoned you and Tsabinu!” His voice rose, each word pounding at the fragile pieces of my heart, breaking me all over again.
I had tried to bury that fact for years, but Andi’s words dug it all back up, piling it higher and higher, suffocating me in agony.
“And I can already guess how this ends,” he continued, jaw tight. “It’s written all over you, and you still defend him?”
His fists clenched, and his knuckles turned white.I knew.I knew he was furious, disappointed, and disgusted. But he wasn’t the only one. I even felt those for myself for being so weak, so spineless.
If only Andi could understand what Zioh meant to me. He wasn’t just some passing presence from the past. He wasn’t just an old friend.
He was a promise that walked beside me.
If only Andi could step inside my body for one moment, feel what I felt, and see what I saw when it came to Zioh, maybe then he would understand.
“Don’t you even feel sorry for Tsabinu?” Andi pressed on, his voice sharp. “Don’t you feel sorry for your dad?” He continued, twisting the knife. “Look at Bibu, he’s practically slaving for the Danudara’s for your sake—”
My sobs broke again, harder, harsher. I clutched the blanket beneath my palms until heat built against my skin, and my whole body trembled.
He halted, and the silence fell, except for my ragged sobbing. His shoulders slumped, the fight draining out ofhim. His gaze softened, though the disappointment in his eyes didn’t fade. “I’m not going to tell Tsabinu or Uncle Prabu,” he said. “It’s not my place.” He paused, blew a heavy breath. “But this time, Bib… I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed.”
With that, Andi turned and left my room, leaving me crumpled on my bed.
