My tears broke free. My sob burst out of its prison.
My chest was so tight it felt like my lungs were drained of oxygen. I sobbed, while Zioh shut his eyes, his jaw tense and his body rigid above me.
I tried to hold it. Even now, when he looked at me like I was a disease, I still looked at him as the person I used to… love. But I wanted to show him that I wasn’t the same Tshabina anymore.
I wasn’t the weak, whiny girl who begged for outings every weekend. I was a grown woman now. Could do or make things on my own. And I owed much of those to him.
I took one shaky breath for a long moment, and every exhale was weighted with my pain. I stared at him, though his eyes remained shut.
Biting my lip, gathering every ounce of strength, I finally spoke, even though my voice was hoarse and thinner than I intended. “Answer me, Zi.” I trembled as I voiced the question that had haunted me for ten years. “Me… Bibu… what did we ever do wrong?”
Zioh opened his eyes again. They flickered but then reset to glacial. His jaw locked as though forcing the words out through immense pressure. “You. Bibu. All of you are mistakes.” Each word hit like a blade. “From the beginning, you shouldn’t have existed. We should never have met, Sophi—Tshabina.” He shook his head. “So, if you ask me what your fault is? The answer is one word. It’syou.”
I didn’t even flinch anymore. I only lay there and took his words. I bit my lip, and my damn tears streamed like a heavy downpour.
“You hate me that much?” I asked, breaking on a sob.
My jaw ached from holding back too much. My voice trembled as I forced it steady. “You know, Zi? It’s not fair!” My cry cracked. “Because I never felt that way. I didn’t even know if I could.” My tone turned bitter, raw. “Please… make me hate you too.”
His stare faltered then. He blinked once… twice… and went empty. His body stayed tense, and in this moment, I wished I could slip into his brain to find the answer to his coldness, his resentment, his change. So, even as he erased my reasons to hold on one by one, I wanted to find another, one more reason to stay.
The silence stretched, and my pounding heart echoed in my ears. His voice broke it, but the answer only sent my thoughts racing out of control.
“As you wish,” he said under his breath. “Despise me for what I’m about to do, Tshabina,”
This time, his gaze shifted. His eyes reddened—shook, and his shoulders trembled. Veins strained across his neck as if holding back years of buried emotion.
Only one answer burned inside me:why?
A second later, Zioh grabbed both my legs in his broad hands. “But first. Spread your legs, Tshabina.” His voice was low, heavy. There was no life in his eyes when he pulled my legs apart.
As his knee bumped against my thighs, something behind his eyes simply shut down. “Zi-Zioh, wait—” I barely managed, but he was already fumbling with the top button of my cardigan. Something flickered across his face.
Was this the alcohol speaking?
He looked as though he might explode at any second.
His breath came fast, uneven. “Is it me, or you?”
“Zi—”
“What?” His response was hurried, raspy, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He shook his head, his muscles taut and his eyes darting until they found mine again. “You came here knowing what you were doing, didn’t you?” He spoke in a breathless rush. “Walking into a room alone with a drunk man. Did that pretty little head of yours not think this might happen?”
His snarl was low, his breath scorching against my skin, and his stare burning into mine. “And you said you wanted to hate me too, didn’t you?” His tone sank darker, more lost. “Fine then, I’ll give you a reason to hate me, Tshabina. Tonight, I’ll be your hate.”
Bastard? Yes. But I could see the look in his eyes shifting, the same look that had shaken me since the day before. Bitterness, warmth, and ache leaked from his gaze through his gaze, and a storm of heaviness and sorrow was spilling through despite him. His hand brushed my cheek, unsteady, almost tender, and perhaps even without him realizing.
The room stayed cold because of the air conditioner, but our gaze didn’t. It was as if nothing else existed but this moment.
“Hate me, Tshabina. You have to hate me, because I h-have to h-hate you.” His voice sank deep, but it sounded hesitant, sending a rush through my veins. He shook his head. “But it’s difficult when you still treat me like your favourite hero.”
Time seemed to stop, so did I.
Hero.He remembered.
You are, Zi. Not were. But are. Always.I wanted to scream the words.
I cried and cried. Deep down, he still remembered us.Remembered me.Remembered the heavenly days we shared.
