Did she speak with him this time?
And yet… for the past week, Tshabina had still been reaching out to me as if nothing had changed. We no longer saw each other in the office, but she came to my penthouse almost every day. Last night, she even stayed here, and she slipped away in the early hours—always leaving before my therapy session began or Ladie arrived.
But the longer this went on, the more it exhausted everything within me. Because the dreams didn’t stop—if anything, they grew sharper, morereal.
Theywhispered to me, taunted me, and threatened me. They told me that what happened that night hadn’t been a hallucination or some fleeting nightmare, no matter what Tshabina insisted.
They told me I had actually lunged at her. I had gripped her throat, and I had said those words.
Not just to Cindy or that woman, but also to Tshabina herself.
Each time panic hit, Tshabina would soothe me, pressing the pills into my hand, urging me to swallow them down.
But it never worked for long, because relief was only ever temporary. I felt trapped in a labyrinth, forced to escape without finding my way out. I wanted to bash my head into the wall when I remembered how often my sick brainmanipulated me, deceived me, poisoned me—how it had made me, these past months, hurt Tshabina again and again.
And yet, Tshabina was still here. She was beside me, always assuring me everything was going to be okay.
Can’t you tell the difference between what’s real and what isn’t, Zioh?
“Shut up.”
You’re crazy. *laughter*
I shook my head as they kept laughing. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!” The scream tore from me, weak and ragged. The voices worsened. The medication barely touched it anymore. Why?Why wasn’t it working?
My voice cracked, trembling. “Shut up… please…”
The day before, I lost my hold again. Another episode. And there, in that suffocating haze…sheappeared
The one I wasn’t supposed to see.
That night in the nightmare, I had strangled her, and the day before… I strangled her again.
Heart racing, I stumbled to the nightstand, yanked open the drawer, and grabbed the bottles Tshabina had arranged for me. With one gulp, I swallowed a mouthful of pills, desperate for calm, forcing air back into my lungs. I waited. One minute. Five minutes. No change.Shit.
I moved to the walk-in closet, grabbed my suitcase, and opened it.
I let out a long breath, my lips curving into a smile the moment I found the glass jar. I picked it up, staring at the colourful slips of paper inside—now crumpled, their star shapes no longer as neat as they had been the first time Tshabina gave them to me.
This was my seventeenth birthday gift from her.
I closed my eyes.
I don’t know if you feel the same way, but you really have superpowers, Zi. Do you know that I never doubt, fear, or worry when you’re around? And I promise for Yellow andBubble in heaven: I’ll give you that same feeling, too, Zioh!Yellow. 52.
All at once, everything went quiet, and a familiar warmth swept over my body.“I already felt the same way, baby. From the moment my eyes landed on you for the first time.”
I hoped Tshabina knew how I wanted to thank her for this treasure. The sentences folded into these little stars had kept me company every single day for the past ten years. When the voices grew too loud, when my chest felt too tight, when my head felt it’d burst, or… When I stood on that cliff that day, I would repeat her notes. And I knew I wasn’t alone. There was still a reason for me to survive.
Her notes were like a string holding me in place whenever the storm winds hit.
I loved all of them, but if I had to choose, there were three that meant the most to me.
The time I love the most is the time we spend together, so let’s always stay together forever, Zioh.Red papers. The notes I had opened on Day 80.
Then—
Zioh, do you know? The time I look forward to most every long night is the moment the sun comes back, because that means I’ll see you again. You are so precious, Zioh. I hope you always realise that.Blue papers. The notes I had opened on Day 137.
