Because you are,I answered in a way she couldn’t hear it.
I held her gaze, silent. Then I leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.
She searched my eyes. “Does that mean I have to wait until you’re ready to tell me?” she asked with a faint smile. Such an angel, my beautiful goddess. Then, teasing: “Another mission for me?”
I smiled.How could I ever deserve you?
Cupping her neck, I drew her mouth to mine. I kissedher, tasting her sweetness and warmth, letting everything I felt pour into the kiss. My hand brushed her again, caressing, loving her, trying to fill the void I had failed to fill for so long, until her soft breath filled the air.
I glanced at the clock—already half past four. Once I’d finished bathing her, I told her to wait in the tub while I changed the sheets and tidied the chaos we’d left behind. I called for new linens and phoned Natasha to bring some of Tshabina’s necessities.
When I returned, she had fallen asleep in the bath. I crouched beside her, drying her body with a towel, and when I brushed over her neck, a quiet whimper slipped from her lips, and my heart clenched.
I had never laid eyes on a more perfect creation.
I knew her Creator had been smiling when He made her. I could only pray that He would bless me to keep her and stay by her side.Only for me.
But thinking back to everything I’d done to her—the previous dawns, the pain I’d dragged her into with my ruin. That all made me suffer, and cut straight through me.
“I will make it right, baby.” I wrapped the towel tighter around her. “Starting now.”
Once she was dry, I lifted her, not wanting to wake her. I carried her out of the bathroom and laid her on the fresh bed. Gently, I pulled the blanket over her, cocooning her until she curled up like a baby. I adjusted the pillow under her head until she looked utterly at peace. Then I sat beside her.
Watching her.
I brushed my hand across her cheek, tracing the beauty of her face. Her olive skin, long dark hair, and hazel eyes closed in rest, her delicate nose, the dimple hiding at the corner of her smile—every detail mesmerising. Even though she had grown taller, she was still so small, so precious.
I kissed her forehead and reached for the tote bags Natasha and the staff had brought earlier. Inside were fresh clothes for Tshabina, underwear, a hair dryer, and a whole collection of skincare products. Natasha had insisted, because apparently, those things were life and death for women.
Taking the hair dryer, I sat at her side and plugged it in. As it whirred to life, Tshabina stirred, curling up with a faint groan. I whispered against her ear, brushing my lips against it. “Shh, I’m sorry, but you’ll get sick if you sleep with wet hair.” I waited for her reaction, and she didn’t open her eyes, only squeezed them tighter. I smiled, drying her hair until it was warm and fluffy.
Then I turned to the other items. Skincare, fresh clothes, underwear—I sighed. “I’d wake her if I tried to dress her now…” So I set them aside and looked at the skincare bottles instead. There were too many, and I had no idea what they were for.
I studied them one by one, frowning over the labels. Behind me, Tshabina murmured in her sleep, and I glanced back. “Tshabina?” I whispered, and she shifted. “I’ve got skincare here… are you awake? I need you to tell me the order for using them.” Nothing, so I tried again, softer. “Baby?” She was still asleep, and a helpless smile curved at my lips.
Pulling out my phone, I took photos of each bottle and searched for the order. Once I’d figured it out, I sat down again and gently applied each product to her face as the instructions said.
I smoothed the cream across her cheeks and drank in her calm expression. Watching her peace made me feel it too, and only Tshabina had that power.
My chest tightened—sharp and heavy. I had broken my promises. I hadn’t been her first passenger when she got her licence, hadn’t treated her like I vowed, or even kept those New Year’s promises.
My fingers trembled against her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Many of my promises failed.” My words came out weak and pained, because I knew. I would never know if those would be the only ones, or if more would come.
I looked at her, and heat rose in my eyes. I brushed her cheek, trying to gather as much as I could from the sight before me. “But I’m glad you got what you wanted in the end…” A tear fell from my eye onto her cheek. “Even without me.”
I leaned down, brushing my lips against hers. “I pray that from here on, it’ll be with me, baby.” I breathed the words against her lips.
“To fulfil all your wishes, your dreams, and my promises.”
The ones I gave you and the ones you gave me.
51
Tshabina
31 December 2013
