Mom’s altar.
There were photos of her life, our family, her younger days, and her performances as a traditional dancer. She was so beautiful; if Tsabinu was Dad’s copy, then I was hers. People used to mistake us for sisters.
Tshabina Putri Sophia and Tsabinu Putra Prabu—they were named after them.
Their names were embedded in ours to declare their love endlessly. My name was the daughter of Sophia, and my brother was the son of Prabu.
And now, those names meant everything. A reminder that she would never leave me. Every day, every second, I bring her with me. I stared at her photo, and my tears burned again. The ache returned, sharp and relentless.
I had grown up.
But when the world felt heavy, I was still just a child.
A child who needed her mother’s hug.
So many people had left me.
Was I so unworthy to stay for?
“Mom…” My whisper cracked as tears fell onto the table. “It’s Dad’s birthday today, but we didn’t bake for him this year because Mas and I were too busy, so we bought one. If you were here, we’d still eat your cake, right?” My lips trembled. “Dad’s older now, Mom. Your husband got wrinkles everywhere.” My hand stroked the photo, and with every swipe, sobs of pain came out. “Watch over me, Mas, and Dad from up there, okay?”
I didn’t want to cry. This was supposed to be a happy day. Dad’s day. But the more I wiped my eyes, the more I unleashed another downpour of tears.
I slipped upstairs, not wanting to ruin their joy with my weakness. I buried myself in my pillow, soaking it with tears until sleep finally claimed me.
« -- * --»
I was late.
My pants were wrinkled, and my hair was messy, as my hands alternated between clutching at both.
It was already ten a.m. when I was supposed to meet Zioh. But Andi had taken forever in the bathroom this morning, as if he were meditating. And now, we were late.
My head pounded because I’d barely slept three hours, waking up again at four with nausea twisting my stomach. And on top of that, my heart had been pounding out of control the whole ride here.
This would be my second encounter with Zioh.
Not as friends. Not as lovers.
But as boss and subordinate.
As an honored guest of my company.
Cold sweat prickled my skin.
I had even googled quick techniques for dealing with panic: breathing properly and staying focused.
Focus.Focus.
But as soon as we walked into the lobby, my chest tightened, and my pulse roared in my ears.
My head and heart screamed that I wasn’t ready to see him again. If I lost control, I’d humiliate myself and ruin everything. Besides, he clearly didn’t care about me. Or worse, he acted as if I didn’t exist.
“Bib!” Andi’s voice behind me made me jump.
“Hah?! W-what?!” I stammered, spinning toward him.
He clutched his stomach, face twisted in pain. “You go ahead, I need the toilet.” His voice was strained, gasping.
