“Lance,” he said calmly, having abruptly returned to reality. He stared at the knife in his hand and at the child crying in his arms. He quickly dropped the knife and released the girl, who raced over to her parents. He looked pleadingly at Lance before dropping to his knees and burying his head in his hands, sobbing harshly.
Lance ran to the other side of the upended table and crouched next to him.
“Hey, Tanner, hey. Look at me, okay? Just—look at me.” Lance touched him gently on the shoulder.
“Oh God! Oh fuck! What happened? Who—? What did I do?”
Pulling Tanner onto his lap, Lance rubbed his back and petted his hair soothingly.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s alright—you’re alright—I got you. I got you, okay? You’re safe, sweetheart,” Lance reassured him while continuing to shush him and hold him tightly in his arms. As he glanced over at the now-dispersing crowd, he saw his mother staring at him, wide-eyed with shock.
Lance sighed as he closed his eyes, shutting out everyone and everything to focus exclusively on taking care of his man. Tanner needed—and certainly deserved—all of the love and support that Lance was capable of giving him. He sure as shit wasn’t going to worry about his mother—she was the least of his problems.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Tanner apologized brokenly, his tears soaking the front of Lance’s shirt.
“No. None of that. It’s alright—you’re alright. Everyone is fine,” Lance reassured him, and only that last part felt like a lie.
*****
The party broke up within moments of the arrival of an ambulance and four police cruisers. Tanner felt embarrassed and uncomfortable as the guests departeden masse, either looking at him accusingly or ignoring him with their noses in the air. He did his best to ignore them. The paramedics had him sit in the back of the ambulance with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders—not his choice—while he related his version of the events to a police officer. Or at least—what he’dthoughthad happened.
“Were you aware that fireworks might trigger you?” The cop was young, very serious, and completely professional throughout the interview.
“Yes, I was.”
“And yet you attended a 4th of July party?”
“That’s my fault,” Lance jumped in to answer before Tanner could respond.
The cop turned to him with a questioning look.
“My mother was hosting the party. I asked her earlier this week if there would be any fireworks and she assured me there would not be. So, I asked Tanner to come with me, thinking it was a safe place for him to be tonight.”
Lance clearly felt a shit ton of guilt about the whole thing. Yet, he wasn’t the one who’d lost his fucking mind over some cheap-assed fireworks. That wasallllTanner. Fuck, he felt like crying. Or maybe like kicking someone. Preferably himself. Repeatedly.
“And exactly what is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Casey?”
“I am his boyfriend,” Lance stated clearly and confidently.
The cop didn’t look surprised, as he merely nodded and jotted it down.
“That should do it,” he said, giving Tanner a friendly smile. “If it helps, you’re not my first PTSD episode of the night. There’s been dozens of calls. It’s like an epidemic.”
Tanner wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to. So, he just smiled politely and remained silent.
“Thank you for coming,” Lance said to the cop on Tanner’s behalf.
“You’re welcome. Please take care and I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday,” the cop said and, with a brief nod, headed back to his cruiser.
“How are you feeling?” Lance asked him, placing a reassuring arm around him.
“Like a fucking loser,” Tanner said bluntly. Lance winced and shook his head.
“You’re not to blame here,” Lance started to explain, but Tanner interrupted him.
“Did you see that kid? Did you see how scared she was? I did that. I fucking did that. Me. Nobody else!”
“Cut yourself some slack. You’ve been through—so much. I was the one who told you there wouldn’t be any fireworks at this goddamned party. Some jackass brought some anyway, and you and I didn’t know anything about it until shit started blowing up. This is not your fault.”
