It wasn’t the first time he’d gotten this reaction, but he still wasn’t sure what to say. By default, he fell back on twisted humor.
“Heaven didn’t want me, and the devil thought I was too high maintenance,” he said with a friendly smile. He forced himself to stay relaxed though he knew the slew of forthcoming questions would guarantee an uncomfortable spike in his blood pressure.
“Holy shit—” Jake repeated wonderingly. There was a fair chance it would be a while before lawn care would be discussed as he gestured for Tanner to take a seat.
He fought the urge to turn and run back out the front door. Instead, he took a deep breath and sat down.
Let the torturous storytelling begin, he mused with a sigh.
“It’s so good to see you,” Jake said for the fourth time, as his wife Keila placed cups of coffee in front of them. She hadn’t asked him if he wanted one, but he smiled and thanked her anyway.
“Thanks, Jake, same here. Things seem to be going well for you,” he replied, maintaining a polite façade while battling an ever-increasing desire to just cut and run.
The last time he’d seen him, Jake Bryers had been a military engineer in charge of repairing helicopters. He’d been a wet-behind-the-ears rookie, with a timid smile and glasses too big for his face. Since Tanner had been a military pilot, they’d frequently crossed paths and eventually ended up working on several helos together. Tanner had enjoyed fixing the birds almost as much as he had flying them. They’d spent a lotof time together doing routine aircraft maintenance during his downtime between missions. In fact, Jake was one of the last people he’d seen before his life had gone tits up. Clearly, he was no longer in the Army, since military engineers didn’t make the kind of money it took to buy this kind of house. Nor the designer-label clothes he wore in said house.
“I admit, things turned out pretty well. I got out a few months after—” He stopped there, for which Tanner was grateful. “A buddy of mine from college reached out with an idea for a new aviation company, and I jumped on board. It’s been going really well. We designed and built a new type of propeller. Smaller and more efficient. We got a new contract a couple of months ago with the US Army. Really set things off,” he said with a modest smile, as if he needed to explain his good fortune. Tanner could see signs of the bright young engineer he used to work with. Buried beneath the outer layer of a confident businessman, but there all the same.
“That’s great! You have a beautiful home.”
“Thanks. It’s really all Keila’s design. She’s an interior designer. Saved this place from looking like a giant man cave, which is what it would have been if I’d had to put it together!” Jake said with a quick laugh. Then, he suddenly turned serious. “Last I heard—” he shook his head. “They told us you were gone. Said the chopper went down. That it caught fire.”
Tanner wished people would stop doing that. He didn’t need people reminding him of what had happened. Fuck—he’dbeenthere. Memories of that day were crystal clear even though it had been over three years ago. Most days, he could barely remember what he’d eaten for breakfast, but the sight of his co-pilot’s dead unseeing eyes and the crash of their helo were burned into his brain. The sounds of metal crunching, squealing, grinding, were embedded in his memory forever in those final seconds before it had blown up.
“Right,” was all he managed to say, as he focused on regulating his breathing.
“Must have been a relief to get discharged.” Jake’s leap in time confused him for a minute. “I mean you probably never wanted to see a helo ever again, right?”
Tanner nodded wordlessly, but his situation wasn’t nearly as simple as Jake made it out to be. Yeah, he’d been incredibly relieved when he’d been told that he would be receiving a full medical discharge, guaranteeing that he’d never have to go back to the sandbox. But then again, he’d loved his job. He’d been a rescue pilot. He’d mattered. He’d had a sense of purpose. Nowadays, exactly what was he doing that meant anything to anyone anymore? He was just some gimp with more baggage than United Airlines, selling lawn care contracts to financially comfortable homeowners, while he couldn’t even afford to furnish his apartment, let alone buy a house.
There was no easy answer to Jake’s question, and he couldn’t seem to come up with one that sounded plausible. So, he was beyond grateful when Keila saved his ass by sitting down next to Jake, ready to talk contract terms. Tanner was so fucking relieved he could have kissed her, yet he refrained. He might not be the salesman of the year, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t thebestway to close a sale.
Thankfully, it was the only ghost from his past that he encountered that day. All the other client visits and contract negotiations were uneventful. That didn’t mean he’d returned to the office looking chipper. In fact, he looked and felt whipped, his ass dragging from exhaustion and the trauma of running into Jake and digging up old memories that were best forgotten. He should have known better than to let his poker face slip at the office, though. His sister called just as he pulled out of the office’s parking lot to head over to Lance’s house.
Cameron was his only sibling, and his twin. She’d been born three minutes before him and did an exemplary job of playing the role of overbearing, pesky older sister.
“Cammy-whiny,” he said in greeting, using her most hated nickname as a diversionary tactic. She was like a bloodhound. She could sniff out his dark moods from miles away. Even over the phone. Besides, she had spies everywhere. There was no escape. Mark was Tanner’s boss, but he was Cameron’s husband first and foremost. No doubt he’d reported Tanner’s somber mood the very second he’d walked out the door.
“Mark says you looked like someone had pissed in your Cheerios when you came back from your first client meeting today.”
Red-hot anger flared in his gut, and he barely restrained the urge to rip off the steering wheel of his truck. It would have been a disproportionate reaction, though, and Tanner was working on managing his temper. Not an easy feat at the moment, especially in light of hisordeal. Instead, he tried to distract her again.
“Mark pissed in your cereal? What an animal!” he exclaimed in mock horror.
“Jerk! You heard what I said!”
“I did! Absolutely disgusting! Dare I say it’s grounds for divorce even!”
“What happened?” She was fucking relentless.
“You’d have to ask him. Maybe it’s old age. Dementia? You should probably get him checked out,” he recommended as seriously as he could while hitting his turn signal to turn onto Lance’s street. According to his GPS, he’d be arriving in two minutes, so he needed to wrap this up quickly.
“Tanner, come on. What happened with the client? Mark was concerned, and after last time—”
“Nothing.” He cut her off rather sharply, having neither the time nor the patience to deal with her nagging bullshit. He remembered thelast timewell enough. “Nothing happened. The guy was an old buddy from the military. He thought I was dead. He was kinda surprised to see me, that’s all.” He spoke calmly through gritted teeth. Hopefully, his matter-of-fact response would shut her up.
“Hmm—well, you should come over for dinner. The kids would love to see you. I’ll make lasagna.”
The kids would love to see you, was code for her being worried about him. No one was fooled by this old trick, especially him. He generally humoured her to prevent her racing over to knock down his front door. Cameron had lived over three years thinking her twin was dead, and when he’d finally returned—she’d found him a mere shadow of his former self. He knew she’d seen the video of when they pulled him out of the crashed helo. He’d been crying, covered in blood, and begging for someone, anyone, to kill him. And then, there were the incidents since he’d made it back stateside. How many times had she found him wrecked and lost, completely out of his mind and struggling to remember his fucking name? He doubted that he would ever forgive himself for what he'd put her through. All he could do now was make it up to her every chance he got. But it wasn’t going to be tonight, that’s for damned sure. Lance was waiting for him.
