“I’m trying to be—patient, because it feels like we jumped into this with both feet, with no regard whatsoever for how deep we’d go or how or if we’d ever get out and that feels very—unlike me.”
Tanner nodded, not interrupting, curious to hear the rest, but also incredibly amused by Lance’s choice of a water metaphor to talk about their relationship. Maybe he could share this with his shrink sometime.
“It’s only been a few weeks. I shouldn’t be this—” he gestured between them.
“Attached?”Tanner suggested.
“Right. Exactly. But I’m not a college kid anymore, and I feel more for you after only a week than I’ve felt about anyone in any of my past relationships. So yeah—I lied my ass off before about not wanting to label us. I definitely want to call you my boyfriend, or partner, or lover—and I’m glad your sister knows. It feels—it feels right.” His voice shook at the end, fighting for control. Tanner knew exactly how he was feeling.
He grabbed Lance’s hand and squeezed it. Then, taking a deep breath and summoning his courage, he decided to lay his cards on the table.
“Unless you tell me not to, I’m about to do something fucking insane and out us to my entire family.”
Lance felt his heart swell with pride and love. “Let’s do it, Army. I’m right behind you.”
Tanner laughed and pulled him into the house.
Everybody was standing around the kitchen island enjoying apple pie and peach cobbler. Louise was standing next to Dave, exchanging affectionate smiles. Only Mark and Cameron looked up when they walked in, Cameron’s eyes widening in surprise as she noticed them holding hands.
“Mom,” Tanner said, before he could lose his nerve.
His mother smiled at him until she noticed the handholding. Her smile wavered, then disappeared.
“I wasn’t planning on telling you tonight, but—life’s too fucking short, and I really don’t care what people may say or think—Lance and I are dating. It’s very new and a really big change for me, but he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I wanted you to know.” The relief of sharing this with his family was instantaneous. A huge weight was suddenly lifted from his shoulders, and he felt almost unbearably light, like a helium-filled balloon. “And no, I’m not gay—well, I’m definitelygay for Lance but it’s a new thing. Not like—a hidden thing, or whatever.”
His mother gave a slow nod and opened her mouth to speak, but he forged ahead.
“It’s the same for Lance. But we know it’s not a fluke and we’re definitely committed to each other, so—” he broke off as Lance’s hand settled on his shoulder and squeezed gently.
“Maybe you could let her speak?” Lance suggested gently with a smile. It was obvious that Tanner was anxious, chattering nervously, throwing up roadblocks to prevent negative comments.
Her features softened at their interaction, her expression filled with warmth and kindness.
“Congratulations!” Louise was just as excited as if they’d just announced they were having a baby. She went to Tanner first, enveloping him in a big hug. “Oh, I’m so happy for you, sweetheart! It’s wonderful. So wonderful,” she said, patting him on the back. She sniffled as her eyes flooded with tears.
“Mom, please don’t cry!”
“Let me be happy for my baby boy. You deserve it.” Then she turned and smiled up at Lance. She threw her arms around him and whispered something to him that Tanner couldn’t hear. When they separated, Lance was chuckling softly, eyes shining with happiness.
Louise turned to face the rest of the family, and Clara and Lucy looked around in confusion, waiting for someone to explain what was going on.
“Well, now I need adoublepiece of pie! To celebrate!” Louise exclaimed happily.
As he leaned on the center island watching his sister cut more slices of pie, his mother began talking about the importance of love and family while stealing glances in his direction. Lance came to stand behind him, wrapping an armaround his waist, and smiling ear-to-ear. Tanner recalled Dr. Jones’ analogy. A place to rest. This was a place to rest. His family, his childhood home, but more importantly, Lance. Lance who stood beside him like a pillar of strength, fitting in so well with his family. As he smiled to himself, he paused to simply enjoy the moment. As he began relaxing against Lance, Tanner noticed his brother-in-law staring at him with a certain “you little shit” glimmer in his eyes. Tanner merely grinned back at him. Technically, he hadn’t lied. He’d told Mark he was seeing someone. It wasn’t his fault that Mark assumed it was a woman.
Chapter 16
Tanner hadn’t stopped in to check on his condo and pick up his mail in several days. So, on Tuesday, after his session with Dr. Jones, he drove by to get a few things. Most of his clothes were over at Lance’s already, but Lance had planned a date night for that week, and Tanner wanted to pick up a new sweater his mother had given him.
Stopping by his mailbox on the way out, he found a large manila envelope from the Department of the Army. He grabbed the entire stack of mail and dropped it on the passenger seat of the truck, not bothering to open anything, and drove straight to work. He didn’t even touch the envelope from the Army because he didn’t feel brave enough to read the contents. Just looking at the sender’s address freaked him out.
Rationally, Tanner knew the envelope most likely contained a notice of deposit of his back pay along with an official letter stating the terms of his medical discharge. But then again—what if? What if they were calling him back to active duty? What if they’d decided he hadn’t fulfilled the terms of his current contract? What if they ordered him back to the sandbox because of a shortage of pilots in war zones? What were the chances that he’d end up facing enemy combatants again?
By the time he got to work, he’d begun to spiral. Bypassing the secretaries without returning any of their morning greetings, he went straight to his office and closed the door. Thankfully, he had administrative work to do, and no meetings scheduled that day. But every hour spent behind his desk made him dread quitting time. What would happen when he saw the envelope again? Hell, what if he was ordered to report for active duty? Could he face that again? His thoughts grew progressively wilder. He went from the thoughtof facing deployment, to wondering how he could get across the Mexican border without getting caught. Suddenly, he was hyperventilating as he stared blankly at his screensaver. He glanced at the clock again, shocked to see that nearly three hours had gone by since he’d last checked. He’d been at work for nine hours, and it was time to go home.
Panic. It flooded him again, and that stupid analogy resurfaced. Tanner was taking on water. He felt surrounded and alone, and the panic increased tenfold—like he was back in his dark cell, facing a lifetime of loneliness.
There was a knock on his office door, and Tanner looked up to see Mark standing there. He frowned as soon as he saw Tanner’s haunted expression.
