“Did I wake you?” his mother asked, as soon as he’d grunted something comparable to hello.
“Yeah, but it’s okay. I needed to get up. Good morning, Mom. Everything alright?”
“Everything’s great, sweetheart. I was just looking at the summer schedule and was wondering if you could make it up for a visit over the long holiday weekend on July 4. We’re going to host some friends for a cookout. Most of the neighbours are coming too.” It was late May, but his mother was already scheduling events for July. Definitely a retiree thing.
“Sure, I don’t have anything planned yet for July 4 since it’s a couple of months away.”
“Well, I know, but I figured I should tell you in advance, just in case you were still in your dark and gloomy phase,” she chided. Lance could hear someone speaking in the background. “Jeff says I shouldn’t call it that—”
“Dark and gloomy phase? I don’t have—”
“Oh, you know. When you avoid my calls and find excuses not to come to Sunday dinner. I mean—everyone deals with breakups differently. Parker craves mac and cheese. You avoid me at all costs—” There was no point in arguing with her once she got on a roll. She was many things, but wrong wasn’t one of them.
“I’m just making sure you were done avoiding me. I mean—you should take however much time you need. But Julie didleave almost three weeks ago. About time to get back into doing things with your family, don’t you think?”
“Mom, are you calling about July 4? Or are you asking if I’ll come to dinner on Sunday?” She hadn’t fooled him one bit.
“You’ll come? Oh, that’s fantastic! Just great! I’ll make your favourite! And you know, I think Martha might come over too. You remember Martha. Two doors down, with the God-awful Shih Tzu that used to try to bite you? Well, her daughter’s in town. They might come down for dinner on Sunday. You’ll love Sandra. Absolutely lovely.”
Not even 7:00 a.m., and his brain was already in overload. What he thought had been a simple ploy had turned out to be far more complex. And a real pain in his ass. No wonder she’d chosen to call him so damned early in the day. Blindsided and dull-witted at 6:45 a.m., she knew he’d not be in the best shape to fend her off. What did he do to deserve this? And before he’d had his first cup of coffee, too!
“Mom,” he said, trying to interrupt her before she could start up again. “I’ll try, okay? But I can’t promise anything. I might have plans—”
“Plans?” his mother asked, the ring of interest unmistakeable. “With a woman?”
“Mom, please! Is there anything else? I have to get ready for work,” he said, trying to speed things along.
“No, no, that’s it for now, I suppose. Hope to see you on Sunday! Wear something nice!”
“Love you, Mom!” he replied hastily and hung up. Flopping back onto the bed, he briefly considered going back to sleep, but his brain was buzzing now. Sighing, he dragged his ass out of bed and staggered downstairs to turn on the coffee maker.
Skimming his missed texts, he saw one from his brother time stamped 2:00 a.m., warning him of their mother’s plans for July 4. He sent one back to let him know about this morning’sway too damned early call. He started to put his phone down when a new text came in. He glanced at it quickly, expecting it to be his mother with a reminder of what she considered to be “nice” clothing. Instead, Tanner’s name appeared.
Tanner Casey
Help a guy out. I haven’t lived around here for years.
Where would I find the best caffeine at the lowest price?
I ran out of coffee and all I can find listed is Starbucks.
Lance Kingsley
Rough night?
Tanner Casey
… Let’s just say zombies look more alive than I do.
Lance Kingsley
Yikes.
What time do you have to be at work?
Moon Pie’s is good and cheap.
And I’m a sucker for their blueberry pancakes.
