Ella,
Happy birthday, my love.
I know you don’t like a fuss, but I can’t let today pass without saying what I always think and sometimes forget to say out loud: You’re my everything.
I love the way you hum in the kitchen when you don’t know I’m listening. The way you talk to the animals at the zoo like they understand full sentences.
I love the way you love me.
God knew I needed you. And today, I just want you to know how grateful I am that you were born.
I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you.
All my heart,
James
Tears streamed down my face and onto my lap, where Honey pecked at them.
I was afraid now. Afraid that I’d live sixty or seventy more years without ever having a love like I did with James. Sure, they would be filled with joy from these babies growing inside of me, but… I knew eventually I’d grow lonely. I already was, but in a way that had me wanting James back, not another man.
Even as I thought that, Seth popped into my mind, and I felt guilty for thinking of him at that moment. It felt like I’d barely had time to process my husband’s loss when handsome Seth swooped in and blurred everything. My feelings for him were there, but under a layer of grief, which made it hard to sift through. I knew that, if I was ever going to move on one day and love again, it would have to be after fully healing from James’s loss. And I couldn’t do that while living next to and working with the most handsome cowboy in Willow Harbor.
Wiping my eyes, I stood and walked down to the kitchen, where my mom was at the stove, humming. Honey padded after me excitedly, making little noises in my wake.
“Mom. I’ve decided what I’m going to do,” I said.
She spun to me, and I took in a deep breath.
“I want to move to France with you for the first year of the twins’ life and just…heal.” My bottom lip shook.
“Oh, honey.” She ran over and took me into her arms.
“What will I do with the house? And the animals? I’ll have to quit my joband?—”
“Shh, God will work it out. If this is His will, it will all work out.”
I was hoping she was right, as most mothers usually were.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Seth
“Is it an infection?” I asked the vet as she looked at the results of the thermometer test from one of my cattle. One of my milking cows had a fever and wasn’t doing well.
“Mastitis. I’ll give her some antibiotics,” she said.
“Thanks, Doc.” Moving my business into dairy had been a learning curve, but we were getting there. I was testing with a small amount of dairy cows, and then once I got the hang of the ins and outs, I’d go big and buy all the equipment I needed.
As I made my way into the hay barn, I saw Ella stepping into her office. It was her first day back since her mom had come, and I was eager to welcome her.
When I rapped my knuckles on the door, she told me to come in. The moment I stepped inside, I knew that something was wrong. She was wearing a pretty sundress thatclung to her swollen belly, and her hair was in loose curls around her shoulders. But she was biting the inside of her cheek, and she looked nervous.
“Everything alright?” I asked. I hadn’t known this woman long, but I knew her well enough to know that something was bothering her.
“Yeah… I just have to tell you something. Something hard.”
Oh, Lord.I steeled myself. It wasn’t good, not from that look on her face.
