Two people got up and began to come forward, but my eyes were locked on Ella. She didn’t move.
But her arms weren’t crossed anymore, and tears flowed down her face.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ella
It felt like Seth was speaking directly to me the entire sermon. Speaking not just about forgiveness in general, but about forgiving God. Did I need to forgive God for allowing James to be taken from me?
Yes.
It felt like the missing piece of the puzzle I’d been trying to figure out since James had left. God hadn’t taken James from me; I knew that, but in my heart, I was bitter that He’d allowed it. I wanted to talk to God about it, but I didn’t even know where to start, and the entire sermon had completely shaken me. Seth and I sat in silent reflection the entire drive from the church service to the gas station and then back to my car.
When he pulled off the highway, he stepped outside without a word and began to fill up my tank with the gas he’d just purchased. It was then that my phone rang withthat weird number. I picked it up, and it said the same thing it did every time.Idaho County Jail.
The man who’d killed my husband was calling me again.
I hit one, preparing to tell him that this was officially harassment, but before I could say anything, his voice rambled without even taking a breath.
“Your husband’s dying words changed my life. Please, just come see me one time so I can tell you what he said, and then I’ll never contact you again. I promise.” He rushed everything together.
Your. Husband’s. Dying. Words.
That one sentence hit me like a brick, and I hung up the phone without even responding. James had spoken to him? As he lay dying?
Oh God, why would you do this to me? Why would you allow my husband to be killed and then let his murderer steal my peace like this! I was just getting on with my life.
What had James said? Had he given him a message for me?“Tell my wife I love her?”
I felt sick. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that, when Seth opened the door, I jumped, startled.
“Sorry.” He frowned.
I shook myself, grabbing my purse and shoving my phone into it. “Thanks for the gas and the ride. I owe you,” I told him, not really feeling like I was in my body. I was somewhere else, floating in the clouds above, trying to forget that this was my life and that my husband’s killer had a message for me.
Seth cleared his throat. “Did you like my sermon? I saw you sneak in the back.”
And all of a sudden, I was sucked into my body. Sweet Seth, he wanted my approval, and this entire drive, I hadn’t said a word. I was a bad friend.
He had no idea what kind of war was going on in my mind right now.
“Ilovedit. You’re a natural,” I told him honestly, and the grin that swept across his face made my knees go weak.
I shouldn’t be alone with him so much. It felt like a stain on James’s memory. Because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find Seth attractive.
But he was here, and I really didn’t want to do this alone.
“Your husband’s dying words.”
“Seth. Will you go to jail with me?”
His eyes widened. “What?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ella
I sat across from my husband’s killer and expected to unleash all of the unbridled rage that was coursing through me. But the second I looked at the young man’s face, and then at the cross that hung from a necklace at his throat, I felt a sliver of compassion and pity slice through my fury. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and his gaze held a shame and brokenness that made me pause.
