Pregnant
Pregnant
Pregnant
All three tests read the same thing.
“No.” I burst into sobs, hunching forward to throw my head in my hands. I instantly felt guilty that I wasn’t excited about bringing a child into this world. Millions of women wanted a blessing like this, but I wasn’t ready. Not to have a mini James. It wasn’t right.
Whatever small amount of healing I’d achieved over the past few weeks broke back down to pieces at that moment, and I couldn’t stop crying. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, and then Seth’s arms came around me, and he held me without saying a word. In my darkest moment, God had sent me an angel, because I wasn’t sure what I would have done if he hadn’t been home and I’d gotten this news alone.
I cried and cried and let it all out as Seth rubbed small circles on my back, and then, finally, Maggie showed up. She was quiet as she entered the living room and placed her purse on the table. Her eyes peered down at the positive tests, and she just nodded once, as if she’d expected that.
“You’re gonna be okay. We’ll help you through this,” Seth told me, and I wiped my eyes and nodded.
“Thanks.”
He left to give Maggie and me some privacy, and she sat down next to me, smiling.
“What are you smiling about?” I asked her, gesturing to the three tests on the coffee table as evidence that she shouldnotbe happy. I mean, yes, babies were a cause for joy, but not when they came to a widow who was still mourning her husband’s loss.
She looked at me with pure delight in her gaze. “It’s not this child’s fault that they are coming at an inconvenient time. But the Lord doesn’t make mistakes, so this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Congratulations, honey.” She pulled me in for a hug and crushed me to her chest.
I held on to her, processing her words.It isn’t the baby’s fault. Was I punishing my unborn child for being in my belly too soon after their dad died? I didn’t mean to be. I wasn’t sure about the best thing to ever happen to me yet, but maybe one day I’d think that.
I pulled back from Maggie and wiped my eyes. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
“Oh, this is exciting. He or she can call me Meemaw or Aunt Maggie, and when we find out the sex, I’ll knit them a blanket.”
I laughed, feeling a little lighter. Maggie’s excitement about the baby was contagious. Maybe it would be okay. “Alright, you’re getting waaaay ahead of yourself. I need to get to a doctor first. Oh, shoot! I don’t have health insurance. I guess I still need a job.”
My head spun with all the things I had to do now that I was expecting. I’d never imagined becoming a mother alone; it was sad, but there was also a lightness to the thought. The thought of a baby’s laughter filling the house made me smile. But my heart broke at the same time that James wouldn’t be there to experience it.
“I need to call my mom and my best friend,” I said suddenly.
Maggie nodded. “You want me to drive you home?”
I grabbed the three pregnancy tests from the coffee table and shook my head. “I think I’m going to be okay. I’ll see you later. Thanks, Maggie.” I wasn’t alone anymore. I was carrying a life. I couldn’t laze around the house in my pajamas with my pet chicken. I had a baby to get ready for.
I stepped outside and padded across the lawn. I was heading for my car when I heard a man sobbing. I froze, my heart hammering in my chest as I recognized the sound of Seth. It was coming from his barn. I didn’t want to leave him in a vulnerable place, especially since he’d been so welcoming to me, but I also didn’t want to embarrass him by seeking him out right now.
I knew at that moment that seeing I was pregnanthadbrought some memories back to him, but he’d kept it at bay in order to comfort me.
I apprehensively slipped into my car quietly and drove home, hoping Seth would be okay.
Chapter Fourteen
Seth
Ella was the most stubborn woman I’d ever met, and the Lord kept telling me to take care of her. And I wanted to. With every passing day, I was drawn to her like a magnet. Not because Ella was fragile or couldn’t do things herself.She made that very clear.But because I really felt the Lord calling me to her.
‘Take care of her,’He’d say. And so I vowed to Him that I would. Ella was stubborn and lost, and I just wanted her to smile and be happy again. I knew all too well how the death of a loved one could suck the joy from your life and rearrange everything.
I’d been worried sick the past several days when she told me she was too sick to care for her farm animals. But when she came over today with the bag of pregnancy tests,shaking hands, and tears in her eyes, it took every ounce of strength I had to remain strong for her.
Because it took me back to Scarlett.
Seeing those positive pregnancy tests with Ella reminded me so much of when I had taken them with Scarlett. The heartbreak of finding out she was pregnant while she had cancer felt too similar to Ella’s finding out she was pregnant without her husband here to see it. I held it together until Maggie got there, and then I broke down in the barn. I fell to my knees and held my hands together.
