I shrugged. “You better start learning to cook so she can’t threaten you anymore.”
He nodded. “That’s an idea.”
We both smiled and settled into winterizing the farm. Seth flushed the irrigation lines so the sprinklers wouldn’t freeze, though two of them already had, so he’d had to repair them first. He also fixed a small leak in the metal barn roof and gave me tips on the animals and frostbite.
As he was leaving, I invited him inside for a minute and ran to the fridge. He reached down to pet Honey, leaving whatever judgments he had about my pet chicken to himself.
I came out of the kitchen with one of my favorite cookbooks. It was easy enough for beginners and had beautiful pictures.
I handed it to him. “So you can learn.”
He took the book, and when his gaze landed on the cover, his face fell.
Something was wrong. “Oh, I’m sorry I?—”
He waved me off. “No… It’s time.”
I frowned, not understanding what I’d just done to offend him.
“Scarlett was an amazing cook,” he admitted. “She never let me in the kitchen other than to do dishes. She joked it would keep me married to her because I’m such a foodie,” he said with a smile.
Oh… Oh, shoot. I’d stirred up his memories of her.
“I guess I stupidly feel like, if I learn to cook, then she’s really gone.” He laughed. “She’s been gone four years, so I know that sounds dumb.”
I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t.” My throat tightened. “It’s like that with the firewood for me. I broke that night because it was the first night I really realized my partner in life was gone.”
I’d never thought I’d be having this kind of conversation with Seth. That he would understand exactly what I meant. It was nice.
Seth nodded. “Good thing you have an amazing neighbor to do it for you.”
I laughed. “Lucky me.”
I walked Seth out, my stomach feeling queasier by the second.
“Maggie wanted me to invite you to church this Sund?—”
“No, thanks,” I told him curtly.
He nodded and tipped his hat to me. “Good day, Ella.”
“Good day. Thanks for all your help,” I told him and closed the door.
The nausea ramped up ten notches then, and before I knew what was happening, I ran to the bathroom and threw up my entire breakfast.
Well, at least I’d gotten the winterizing done before I got the flu.
I spent the next four days mostly in bed, fatigued and nauseous, but with no fever or body aches. I used the excuse to binge-watch my favorite show with Honey. I’d told Seth that I was sick, and he said he would hold off on his vet looking at Jumper until I was better. He also offered to feed my animals every day and turn them in and out of the pasture. I took him up on the kind offer because I was sleeping twelve-hour days and my animals would be starving by the time I woke up.
It was on the fifth day when I was rooting through the bathroom drawer after lunch for some hand lotion that a horrible realization hit me.
No.
I pulled the maxi pad out of my bathroom drawer with a shaking hand.
How long had it been since James died? When was my last period?
No. God wouldn’t do this. No way.
