“More like a cat,” I told her.
Truth be told, I kind of liked having her here. It made the house feel less lonely. I didn’t have the heart to wake her up and chuck her outside. So I whipped out my phone, and for the next hour, I looked up information on if it were possible to potty train a chicken, but instead, I landed on a website that sold washable chicken diapers.
“This is crazy. I’mnotdoing this. You need to sleep in the barn with your flock,” I told her as my finger hovered over a dozen adorable patterned chicken diapers.
One of her eyes opened, and she leaned forward, resting her head on my lap. My heart melted.
Welp. That’s it.I was done for. She owned me now. Heart and soul.
I clicked buy and figured I would just wipe up whatever mess she made in the meantime. It wasn’t like I was going to let her sleep in my bed or anything.
Chapter Ten
Seth
I was on the phone with the feed shop and looking for my last bill, so instead of going into my home office, I opened the door right next to it. I wasn’t paying attention.
My heart nearly ripped out of my chest at the sight of the nursery. The thick layer of dust that covered everything made guilt bloom inside my chest. Why hadn’t I cleaned up in here? And why did I still keep this stuff set up?
“Seth?” Clint called into the phone, and it felt like someone had reached into my chest and squeezed my heart.
“Just send me ten percent more feed than last month. I want to start saving for winter if there are shortages,” I mumbled into the phone.
“You got it. See you next week.” He hung up, and I slipped the phone into my back pocket, entering the room as a blanket of sorrow weighed on me.
I walked over to the white crib and used my hand to sweep off the dust. My gaze fell to the tan rocking chair where Scarlett had sat, weak with cancer and pregnant with our daughter, as she watched me put the crib together.
The pregnancy and the stage-four ovarian cancer diagnosis had all come within the same week. We chose not to terminate the baby or do chemo because that would have harmed the baby. So, as the cancer grew, so did our little girl. It was the cruelest position I’d ever been put in. Kill my child to try to save my wife?
I couldn’t do it. Neither could Scarlett.
And in the end, the Lord took both of them.
A sob built in my chest and then burst from my lips. My grief was bone dry at times and then a well overflowing at others.
This room, our dream of starting a family, was something I couldn’t let go of yet. I’d taken all of Scarlett’s clothes out of the closet within the year of her passing, but the pink onesie that said ‘papa…’ I just couldn’t bear to put in a box.
‘Lord, give me strength,’I prayed as my grief subsided, and I walked over to the hallway laundry room to grab a bottle of cleaning spray and paper towels. I had a cleaning lady, Monica, who came once a month, but she knew not to go in here. Which meant it was my responsibility to tidy up. Over the next half hour, I wiped down all the dust on the crib, the dresser, the windowsill, and the little bookshelf. I vacuumed and placed my hand on the rocking chair.
“Promise me that, when I go home to be with God, you’lllove again.”
They were Scarlett’s last words to me, ones that haunted me now because I was so lonely.
With a sigh, I closed the nursery room door and went out to the barn to check in with my farmhands.
Chapter Eleven
Ella
Wednesday morning, I rolled over and smiled at Honey. She sat nestled on James’s pillow, wearing her apple-printed diaper, sleeping soundly. When I sat up, she stirred and stood, immediately starting to peck at the little lint balls on the sheet.
“Stop, that’s not food.” I laughed, pushing her face away from the blanket.
After only a few days of living with her in the house, I was already in love. James and I had talked about getting a livestock guardian dog to live outside and protect the animals, but as far as an inside pet went, we were torn. I wanted a small dog. James had wanted a cat.
I guess the answer was a chicken.
Honey followed me to the bathroom. She pecked at water droplets on my feet as I stepped out of the showerand then into the kitchen so I could make scrambled eggs. I had chicken feed and a watering bowl for her near the laundry room, but she loved to beg for scraps instead, pecking at the edge of my plate until I fed her.
