Then he turned and sprinted to his car.
“Jack!” I screamed as thunder ripped across the sky, shaking my chest. Then the clouds opened and snow poured out of them like a sack of flower being dumped on us.
Jack reached his car door just as I did and I pushed my hands out to shut it.
He spun on me, his face covered in fresh snowflakes as it saturated us both, instantly dousing my hair, face, and clothes.
“Let me go, Hannah.” There was a begging in his voice that undid me.
“No. Not like this,” I told him and reached up, grasping the sides of his face and forcing him to look into my eyes. “I see you,Jack. I seeallof you, and I still want you,” I declared, and then pulled his lips to mine.
Our mouths crashed together in the most passionate kiss I’d ever had. My whole body responded to Jack, and I couldn’t help but think that this was what it felt like when you kissed the person you were supposed to be with for your entire life. My heart pounded like thunder in my chest, my stomach did somersaults, and my skin felt like it was on fire.
This was no dead kiss. And better than any kiss I’d had before. God was pressing upon me not to give up on Jack.
But all too soon, Jack pulled away, breathless, as he stared down at me, shaking his head. “I can’t. Goodbye, Hannah,” he said and yanked the door open.
“Jack.” The tears were mixing with the snow, and I could barely speak. That kiss was the confirmation I’d needed—Jack was the one for me. Did he not feel the same? Or was he just too broken by life’s circumstances to be emotionally available?
God, guide me,I prayed as the snow fell in clumps around me.
He got inside and slammed the door, cranking the SUV on and then throwing it into drive. He gunned it and peeled out of the parking lot as I fell into sobs. The weight of his story, of his trauma, crushed me.
Pray for my soul.Now I knew why he’d said that.
I wasn’t sure if God had chosen Jack to be my future husband in that moment, but I was sure of one thing. God had put Jack into my life so I could lead him to the Truth. And if friends was all we could be, then fine. But I wouldn’t stop until Jack knew Jesus and just how freeing resting in His arms could be.
If I only saw him at Christmas, and if it took twenty Christmases, I would make sure that Jack knew that Jesus loved him even though he’d made a mistake. That the guilt he carriedwas already carried by Jesus and taken away—if only Jack would believe in Him and let Him take his burden.
I peered up at the sky and the falling snow and smiled.
“I won’t let you down, Lord,” I promised.
Chapter Thirty
JACK
The moment I got back to the hotel, I packed my stuff. I couldn’t sleep here. I’d beg my private jet pilot to fly me back early, and if he couldn’t, I would just drive back to Seattle. Hannah had seen all of my darkness and it was heartbreaking. Watching her shrink away from me when I told her what I’d done, I died inside. Then, when she kissed me, it only made it worse.
It was the best kiss of my life, one that made me feel like I was coming up for air after years of drowning.
That kiss was one I would crave every day and never tire of. That kiss made me want to fall in love and get married and have kids and a house with a white picket fence. But that was the problem. I’d never be able to offer her that. I’d always be messed up in the head, broken by what I’d done. People who killed their mothers—whether on accident or not—didn’t lead normal lives after. They were a mess, and I’d always be a mess.
My pilot picked up on the first ring.
“Can you fly me back to Seattle ASAP?” I asked him. “I have an emergency.”
It sounded like he was at some party. I could hear a crowd in the background.
“Sorry, Mr. Marrow. It’s Christmas. I?—”
“I’ll pay you a hundred thousand extra,” I told him.
“I’ll be there in two hours,” he said, and I hung up.
Two hours? What was I going to do for two hours? I would go insane sitting around the room at the Inn. I felt bad he was flying Christmas night, but I had to get out of there.
I grabbed my duffel bag, stepped back out into the now light rain, and jumped into the SUV. I needed to take my mind off of things. This wasn’t how I’d seen my closure with Hannah going. I’d thought she would be engaged; I’d tell her sorry for ghosting her, and she’d smile and say it was okay. I’d check out the big rock on her finger and maybe even see her with Luke. Then I’d say goodbye.
