No. No. No.
That was the exact moment Luke had said he was moving back to town to win me back. Jack hadn’t heard that, had he? Of course he had. Why else would he have come and not said hello to me? It all made so much sense now.
He’d come. He’d come to my concert. To surprise me?
It meant that maybe, all this time, he’d felt something for me too.
“Hannah!” Jules’s voice called behind me and I spun. She waved me over, and I noticed that the first float was riding down the road.
“I gotta go, Dennis,” I said, but my heart was torn in two.
This changed everything.
Chapter Twenty-Two
JACK
Willow Harbor at Christmastime was an absolutely magical sight to behold. Regular life stood still. All the stresses of work email and traffic and loneliness—it paused as I stared down the snowy main street at the light up floats that had started their procession.
The one-hour parade had some pretty decent art displays, especially for a small town with limited resources. There was a winner who would get a trophy and everything—decided by how hard the crowd clapped and screamed. The local Willow Harbor firemen always had a float, Anna’s bakery, and so many others. It was hard to pick a favorite.
My ten-year-old self would scream until my throat was raw for my favorite one while my mother just stood next to me grinning ear to ear and laughing. I was staring at the first one now before my gaze went across the street and right to Hannah. She was sitting in a chair beside her boyfriend, Luke Halston.
I’d promised myself I’d stay away from her this Christmas, not interfere with her perfect life. Her mom was cancer-free, she was dating a great guy, and the restaurant was prospering. But then I had seen the ads in town, advertising Christmas dinner to-go at Hannah’s, and I had known I had to order something. I had to try to catch a glimpse of her.
So imagine my surprise when she hand-delivered it. Seeing her confirmed the fact that I still longed for her, for what might have been between us had we been given the chance to get to know each other naturally as we were. But Luke showing up that night instead of me was a sign. It meant that Hannah was better off with a guy like that and not one like me.
I was a criminal. A murderer. I was too broken for her, and I didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life trying to fix me. Because that’s what she would do. I knew it. I didn’t know her that well yet, but I knew enough to know that Hannah Phillips would spend her life trying to make me not feel guilty for what I’d done. “It was an accident,” she’d say, just like Chloe.
Yeah, well, accidents didn’t bring people back from the dead.
Her eyes caught mine from across the street and my lungs felt like they froze in my chest. We locked gazes, and it was like the entire parade melted away. I wondered then what she smelled like, what it would feel like to hold her, hug her, kiss her. I wanted to hear her laugh, to learn everything about her for all the years I’d missed knowing her.
Yet I wasn’t sure I wanted any of that at all. I wanted my alone time. I didn’t want to drag anyone into the depths of despair with me. Least of all Hannah.
No, I wouldn’t do that.
The crowd roared and my gaze snapped to the float that had just entered the street. I couldn’t help but smile. It was a giant twelve-foot tree with huge plate ornaments that held various pasta dishes. There was even a life-size Hannah with a blinking sign that matched the front of her restaurant.
It was officially my new favorite float.
What wasn’t my favorite was the cardboard cutout of Luke standing on the end, bending on one knee, and holding a sign that said, “Marry me, Hannah?”
The float stopped right in front of Hannah and Luke as he stood and fished something out of his pocket, falling to one knee. A hush fell over the crowd as my heart seized in my chest.
No.
I staggered backward as Hannah looked at her boyfriend and her mouth opened in surprise. The float parade stopped, and then all eyes were on Hannah. Luke stayed there, bent on one knee, and began to speak softly to her. I wasn’t close enough to hear it all, but I heard enough.
Couldn’t imagine life without you. Loved you for years. Marry me.
A darkness fell over me then, a heavy all-consuming depression. I turned, giving the scene my back, and started to walk away.
Hannah was marrying Luke.
That was good. That was what I wanted. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted the best for her.
Except, in my heart of hearts, I wanted her for myself.
