“You did everything right,” I say to her as I kiss her head. “I promise Giancarlo will always know who you are.”
“Promise that whoever you choose to be with will love him unconditionally.”
“He will always come first, Faith. Don’t you worry about that.”
She closes her eyes and nods.
“Thank you for not being angry at me. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, Faith. I forgive you, we’re good. I promise,” I say softly to her as I watch her take her last breath.
I kiss her forehead again as Jérôme calls her time of death.
CHAPTER TWO
Gianluca
It’s been seven months since we lost Faith and I’m still learning how to be a papà. Luckily, I have the best support system. Each and every one of my family members have stepped up to help me. Trying to explain to a two and a half year old why his mama isn’t around anymore is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Some days he won’t talk to any of us, and some days he just screams for her. But then there are the days that he just wants to sit with me and read the book that Faith was reading to him the last day he saw her. We recovered the suitcases, duffle bag and purse that Faith had with her. And I plan to keep as much as I can for Gianluca. I don’t know how much he’ll remember as he grows up. But I’m determined to make sure he never forgets her. We also got the DNA test back, and of course he’s mine. So I’ve put in the paperwork to get my name put on his birth certificate.
Mirabelle Marini is a social worker and she’s been helping me, along with my cugino, Lorenzo, who’s a lawyer. It’s a good thing that Yakov isn’t on any of his legal papers. It’s made thisprocess that much easier. I’m also waiting for the day he figures out that Giancarlo’s with me. Faith said she never told him. But if he digs into her past, he’ll figure out that we were together right before they met. And he might come looking for answers. But we’ll be ready for him.
We also found out that he is part of the Koslov Bratva. We’ve been dealing with them for the last couple of years. They’re a pain in the ass and they just seem to keep popping up. Every time we think we’re done with them, another comes around.
Giancarlo spends a lot of time with Giovanna and her kids. She has two boys of her own, Rowan is three and Lorcán is nine months old. Sebastiano has two babies as well, Sansone is two and Kaia is six months. So there are lots of cousins for him to play with. I think that’s helped Giancarlo settle in a lot easier. Or at least I hope it has. At least he laughs a lot more now. And he calls me ‘papà.’ I never thought that hearing that word would make me so happy. But it does. Every time I come home from a game, he’s right there saying, ‘hi Papà, I missed you.’
Today is the first time he’s going to see me play live. My family makes sure he watches me on TV, but I wasn’t ready for him to be at the ballpark. It’s going to be a lot for him when people realize he’s my son.
“Are you excited to see Papà play?” I ask him as I get my things together.
“Yes! I wuv baseball. Can we pway togedder?” He giggles as he holds the ball I gave him.
“Yes, we can. How about we all play on my next day off? We can play with your cousins.”
“Yay!”
I gather the rest of my stuff and we head downstairs.
“So I’ll let security know you’re all going to be there. I’ll be able to come say hi before warmups,” I say to my mamà as I kiss her cheek.
We laugh as we watch Giancarlo run around yelling about baseball.
“I think he’s getting better. We talk about Faith every day.”
“I wish I could explain to him why she’s gone.”
“I know, mijo. But you’re a good papá and that’s what matters now.”
“I feel like I’m drowning sometimes, Mamá.”
“You’ll find your way, and when you do, things will be better. Right now it’s still new, give yourself time.”
“It’s been seven months, Mamá. Shouldn’t I be better at this by now?”
“Again, no. Being a parent isn’t easy. Most of us have time to at least try to prepare, you didn’t. You just do your best, and we’ll all be here to pick you up when you need it.”
“Gracias, Mamá. Te amo.”
“Te amo.” She smiles as she hugs me.
