‘You what?’
‘That was why Lil started walking out with him – sort of a thank you. And then one thing led to another, and now…’ Her voice sank to a whisper. ‘Now this.’
Rob stood for a long time in dumbfounded silence, different emotions flickering over his face. His eyes fell once more on the shotgun in the corner, and Bobby went to take it up. He didn’t stop her this time. She took it to the adjoining room – the one that had been Charlie’s veterinary surgery in civilian life – and locked it away in the cupboard, in case he should get any ideas.
She stopped in the room for a moment, resting her elbows on Charlie’s examination table and propping her head on her palms. The fight had gone out of her now, and she felt defeated and inexpressibly weary. Sobs shook her, but no tears went with them. Her grief fell from her in dry gasps.
Why had she said that? She had never meant to. Over and over she had reminded herself that Lilian’s situation wasn’t her father’s fault; that he could never have foreseen this outcome. But there had still been that little flame of anger, buried deep inside. When he had accused her, said it was all her fault, it had burst from her in a sudden explosion.
And had guilt, too, eased its way? Because Bobby did feel responsible. For all her reminders to herself that Lilian was an adult who could make her own choices, the natural urge to protect her sister couldn’t help but make her feel that she had betrayed Lil in some way when she had allowed her to get close to Tony Scott.
Oh God. What had she done?
When Bobby had got herself under control, she went back into the parlour. Her dad was once more sitting in his chair, his expression blank. He didn’t even look up when she entered the room. He looked like he often did when he’d drunk too much: far away in the past, unable to engage with the world around him.
‘Dad, I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I shouldn’t have told you that. None of this is your fault. You couldn’t have seen it coming.’
He didn’t answer her.
‘Dad?’
Rob rubbed his head, and forced his vacant gaze to focus on her. ‘Well. Happen I said a few things I shouldn’t have an’ all.’
‘I’m so sorry. Please let me take it back.’ She approached to take his hand, which rested limply in hers. ‘I love you. So does Lil – that’s why she went out with Tony. But it was her choice, and I do believe she and Tony are fond of each other despitehow things started. At the very least, he seems determined to put things right as best he can. We shouldn’t grieve for her.’
‘There’s a bairn coming then?’
Bobby allowed herself a small smile. ‘Yes. You’re to be a grandfather again.’
She had hoped this might elicit some sort of positive response, but he only looked blank. Bobby sank back into her seat.
‘I have to go,’ she said quietly. ‘To the WAAF. I’m sorry, Dad.’
‘Aye, well.’ His voice was flat; devoid of emotion. ‘Don’t suppose it matters much now.’
‘Please don’t talk like that.’ She leant forward to take his hands. ‘You didn’t mean it, did you? About denying Lil the house?’
‘I… No. I reckon not.’ He blinked hard, as if to force himself to remain present. ‘You were always good girls. It’s him. That Scott.’
‘But like it or not, Tony is Lil’s husband. And she’s lucky, in a lot of ways. You wouldn’t want her to have to give the baby away, would you?’
He sighed. ‘No. I’d never want that.’
‘Dad, if I was able to arrange things so that Lil could stay here with you – I mean, with Tony, and the baby when it comes – how would you feel about that?’
‘Don’t seem to be able to feel owt right this minute.’ Rob rubbed his face. ‘Fetch us a drink, will you, our Bobby?’
She bowed her head. ‘I thought you might ask.’
‘Special occasion, isn’t it?’ He laughed harshly. ‘Wetting the baby’s head. Have one yourself, why don’t you?’
‘Tonight, I think I will.’
She went to unlock the surgery cupboard where she kept the potato peel spirit she administered to chase away his nightmares, poured them both a generous measure and tookthem back to the parlour. They drank in silence, not meeting each other’s eyes.
Chapter 19
Over the days that followed, Bobby tried to be at home as much as possible. She exchanged shifts with the two other Silverdale air-raid wardens, pleading a cold – not exactly a fib, since conditions in the cow house at this time of year invariably meant she was harbouring sniffles.
