Charlie turned away to look out over the faint silhouettes of the headstones.
‘I see,’ he said, his voice flat. ‘You needed me to tell you it was all right. That it was allowed.’
‘I suppose… yes. At least, I wanted your advice. I feel like I’ve never been needed more at home, but if I try to get out of it, I’ll be haunted by the thought that I cried off while others did their duty.’
Charlie was silent for what seemed like the longest time. He no longer kissed her neck, and his arms circled her waist loosely, as if he’d forgotten they were there. Bobby tried to shuffle off his knee.
Charlie roused himself, and his arms tightened around her waist.
‘Don’t go,’ he said softly. ‘You’re keeping me nice and warm.’
Bobby felt her cheeks heat, despite the chill in the air. ‘I thought perhaps you didn’t want me here any more.’
‘Why would I ever not want you here?’
She smiled, relieved, and pressed his hand. ‘You went so quiet I thought you must be angry. You want me to go, don’t you? Join the forces, I mean.’
‘I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay right where you are, with Reggie and Mary, and stay exactlyasyou are. I want everything at Moorside to stay just as it was when I left, not even a picture moved in the parlour, so when I’m in the thick of it I can remember there’s a home worth going back to. I want you to stay out of it, so at least one of us hasn’t been tainted by this filthy war.’ He paused. ‘I mean, if I was being completely selfish then that’s what I’d want. But…’
‘But you think it’s my duty to go.’
He sighed. ‘Honestly, Bobby, I don’t know what to tell you. There are so many people risking their lives to win this thing, it feels like if we aren’t all in it together then it’s as good as giving Hitler and the rest of those evil buggers a free pass.’
‘Mary says women aren’t soldiers,’ Bobby said vaguely. ‘That our first duty is to our homes, and the people who need us to care for them.’
‘Says that same redoubtable Valkyrie who once marched me up a mountain to rescue injured men from a burning plane. I’ve never seen anyone who looked more like a general at the head of their troops than you did that night, Bobby.’
‘Be serious, please.’
‘I am being serious,’ Charlie said quietly, and it was true that there was no mirth in his tone. ‘When there are men fighting with not much to keep them going other than the thought ofmaking the world safe for the girls they love, it seems hard that those same girls won’t answer the call when it comes. No one’s asking them to fly to Berlin.’
Bobby’s face burned with shame, although he was only articulating what she had been thinking herself. Again she moved to get up from his lap, and again he held her tight.
‘Please stay,’ he murmured. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to say things that will hurt you, but I have to tell you what’s in my heart.’
He was trembling – not, she felt sure, from the cold.
‘Charlie, what’s wrong?’
‘I’m afraid, Bob,’ he whispered. ‘I’ve never been more afraid in my life. Every day I think about those men we found on the mountain.’
‘I know, love. They’re on my mind a lot too.’
‘I find myself shaking from thinking about it. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe, and my heart beats like it might burst out of my chest. What do you think that makes me?’
‘I don’t know. A human being, I suppose.’
‘You don’t think I’m a coward?’
‘For being afraid, and doing your duty in spite of it? Don’t be daft. I’m ever so proud of you.’ She sought one of the hands at her waist and linked her fingers with his. ‘I want to do what’s right too, Charlie. I’m not afraid of sacrifice, where it purely concerns me. If it was only leaving my home, or my job…’
‘I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty,’ he said, and she felt the welcome pressure of his lips against her neck once more. ‘I do understand about your dad. Surely now he’s got his job things are better though? You said he’d all but stopped drinking.’
‘Apart from the odd pint in the Hart, and a glass of spirits when he wakes in the night.’ She lifted the hand she was holding and peeled back his glove to press the skin to her lips. ‘But Inever know when something might send him spiralling. I told you what happened when he lived alone.’
‘You did.’
‘What would you do? If you were me?’
