‘You ought to be asleep,’ she said sternly. ‘Big day for you tomorrow.’
‘Aye, I guess. Why doesn’t Charlie get a proper night’s rest? He doesn’t work nights, does he?’
‘No. No, he…’ Bobby looked at her brother in the dim fire glow, taking in his haggard appearance. ‘He sometimes struggles to sleep, that’s all.’
‘Why?’
‘He just does.’
Jake was silent, staring into the fire as he smoked.
‘Do you want me to make you some warm milk?’ Bobby asked gently.
Jake smiled. ‘You going to sing me a lullaby as well?’
‘If you like.’
‘I’m not eight any more, Bob.’
‘You know that to me and Lil, you’ll always be the baby no matter how big you get. To Dad too.’
‘Huh.’
‘You are staying to dinner before you go, aren’t you? Dad ought to meet Kathleen, and we can introduce you to Maimie.’
‘Who’s Maimie?’
‘Dad’s new wife.’
‘Oh. Right.’ His gaze was still fixed on the fire. ‘I forgot. What’s she like then?’
‘Not much like Mam,’ Bobby said with a smile. ‘But she’s good for Dad. She’s a brisk, sensible, kindly sort, in spite of some odd ways. You’ll like her.’
Jake rubbed his hair, no more long and slicked as it had been in civilian life but trimmed to the harsh army-regulation short back and sides.
‘I can hardly remember Mam now,’ he said. ‘I can’t remember her reading to me or owt. Can barely remember how she looked when she was well, except from photos. I just remember her being in bed all the time, dying, and you and Lil looking after me. That’s bad, isn’t it?’
‘It isn’t bad,’ Bobby said softly. ‘You were a little boy.’
‘I keep thinking, will he remember me if I don’t make it? The baby, I mean. Kath’d find herself another feller, I suppose. I hope she would, and not stay on her own. But then the baby probably wouldn’t ever think about the dad he’d had before.’
‘We wouldn’t let him forget. We’d still be his family.’
Jake swallowed a sob. ‘I’ve seen some stuff, Bob.’
Bobby put an arm round his broad shoulders. ‘I know, love.’
‘I had this mate. Terry. We were working on this UXB in Tottenham Court Road: a five-hundred-pounder from a tip and run the night before. Chatting about football and joking about each other’s girls, sharing fags and that. Weren’t supposed to be a high-risk job but summat must’ve gone wrong because… well, he sent me to fetch a couple of teas from the WVS wagon round the corner.’ Jake closed his eyes. ‘There were a bang, and… when I went back he was in bits, Bob. Actual bits, lying all round. Hands and feet and… and guts. That used to be Terry, and he was my mate. He didn’t deserve that, did he?’
‘No, sweetheart. No one deserves that.’
‘I always swore I’d never be like Dad when I grew up. But when I thought about Terry, and imagined the bits of him might’ve been bits of me…’ He turned wide, damp eyes on her. ‘I really thought about not going back,’ he whispered. ‘Just taking Kath and running and running, hoping the war wouldn’t catch up with me. Bet you’re ashamed of me now, are you?’
‘Come here.’ Bobby gave him a hug. ‘Stop talking daft. I’m proud of you and I always will be.’
He gave in to sobs as he hid his face on her shoulder.
‘Suppose I’m more like Dad than I realised,’ he muttered. ‘Cowardice must run in the family.’
