‘Did he try anything?’
‘He never touched me.’ Lilian flushed. ‘After that… it just sort of turned into a regular thing. It became the bright spot in my week.’
‘He’s really never kissed you or… you know, anything?’
‘I told you, we’ve never even held hands. We just meet at the cinema, watch the film and catch the bus home.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Perhaps I was wrong in agreeing to go again after that first time. But physically there’d been nothing between us, and Iknew there never would be as long as George remained the man he is. Even if I said it was what I wanted, he wouldn’t. It was within the letter if not the spirit of my marriage vows, so… I just allowed it to keep on happening.’
‘I heard him say he wished things could be different,’ Bobby said softly. ‘He’d have wanted to be with you, under other circumstances?’
‘Oh, what does it matter what he wants?’ Lilian pressed her temples. ‘Tony’s my husband, and soon George will be married to Veronica and that’ll be an end of it all.’ She whispered a sigh. ‘But I wish things could be different too. I’m sorry, Bobby, but I can’t help it. When I spend time with Annie and the girls and then take them home to their father, I just think… we could have been such a perfect little family.’
‘Oh, Lil.’ Bobby absorbed her sister into an embrace.
‘I’ve let you down, haven’t I? I ought to have told you, but I knew you’d force me to face up to the fact it was wrong.’
‘You haven’t let me down.’ Bobby held her sister back. ‘You know it has to stop, though, don’t you?’
‘I know.’ Lilian took out her handkerchief to blow her nose. ‘I don’t know how I’ll explain to George. He can be rather naive. It’s not like either of us has been unfaithful.’
‘Maybe not in the physical sense, but in spirit. You promised your heart to your husband as well as your body.’
‘I think Tony knows deep down that he’s never really had my heart,’ Lilian whispered. ‘When I look at the difference between him and George… I can’t love a man I don’t respect, and Tony’s such a hard man to respect sometimes. Every time he does something to make me admire him, he undoes it the next minute through some bit of petulance or folly. I dread feeling that one day, I might end up actively despising him.’
Bobby was silent. On this point it was hard to speak up in Tony’s defence.
‘I know it’s strange, but the cinema trips with George have made being married to Tony easier to bear,’ Lilian said. ‘I was content to make his meals and wash his clothes, even to tolerate sharing his bed, as long as I had those to look forward to. It made me less irritable, so he was happier for me being happier.’
‘I doubt he’d see it that way.’
Lilian sighed. ‘No.’
‘Do you love him?’ Bobby asked quietly. ‘The captain?’
‘I… honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know if I love him as a man or more the idea of him. He’s just so admirable and kind and…’
‘…and not like Tony,’ Bobby finished for her.
‘But he does make me happy,’ Lil said with a small smile. ‘I enjoy his conversation. He makes me laugh. I’m going to miss him terribly.’
‘You’re going to end it then?’
‘I have to, don’t I? Otherwise I really am going to fall for him, and that’s going to break nobody’s heart but my own.’
Bobby squeezed her hand. ‘You do right, Lil. I know it’s not easy, but you could make a world of trouble for yourself if you keep seeing him. If you’re lonely, I’ll be your steady date for the cinema.’
Lilian gave a damp laugh, wiping her eyes. ‘I doubt you could fit into the seats.’
‘Don’t you start.’
They were interrupted by a loud knock.
‘Charlie must have forgotten his key,’ Bobby said. ‘Lil, you’d better fix your face before our Jake sees you crying. I haven’t had time to fill you in on his affairs, but you might be in for a shock.’
Lil had gone to the window to twitch aside the net curtains. Her eyes widened.
‘You’re telling me,’ she said. ‘Bobby, there’s a gang of Redcaps outside.’
Chapter 28
